


Defect

by Smol_FiestBean



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Betrayal, F/M, Family, Family Feels, Family Secrets, Gen, Imperial Officers (Star Wars), Multi, Protective Older Brothers, Protective Siblings, Rebels, References to Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008), Romance, Siblings, Sith (Star Wars), Spies & Secret Agents, Treason, War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-02
Updated: 2019-12-01
Packaged: 2020-02-16 07:30:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 17
Words: 26,634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18686917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Smol_FiestBean/pseuds/Smol_FiestBean
Summary: Two years after the end of the Clone Wars, former Clone Commander Hotshot is now working aboard an Imperial Star Destroyer under the command of Admiral Yarrel Retf. Together they are putting down the rising insurgency against the Empire in many of the recently subjugated planets.However, when the Commander Hotshot comes to realize that she had blindly been following orders almost her entire life, everything changes. Her eyes are opened to the evil of the malevolent Empire and she becomes aware of what this new war is truly about, and whose side she should really be on.





	1. Prologue

I killed a Jedi. No, I killed my friend.

My hands gripped my old clone helmet tighter, my fingers wrapping around the bottom edge as I stared down into the black T-visor reflecting my distorted image.

How could I?

At night I could still hear her screams as the blaster bolts tore through her body. Shots fired by me. No one else was to blame. I had killed her, watched coldly as her lifeless body hit the ground. She had been my friend, and I killed her in cold blood.

I was following orders...

My hands tightened instinctively until I felt the rim of my helmet cut into my palms. I was no better than the rest of them, blindly following whatever order they put in my head. I was blind. Blinder than a newborn womprat for that matter.

Bitterly, I scowled at myself as I looked into my T-visor, then dropped my battered helmet on the floor. Standing, I kicked the helmet back under my bunk beside the rest of my old gear. It was all just an old relic now, the remnant of a war lost by both sides.

I walked over to the refresher and stepped inside, stopping in front of the mirror and allowing my shoulders to slump slightly as I made a careful inspection of my features. At first glance, I didn't look very different than usual with my black hair pulled into a tight bun at the base of my head, my thin lips slightly pursed and my sharp hazel eyes attributing to my air of command, but looking deeper I could see the changes no one else did: Several gray hairs wildly refusing to stay in my bun, tiny frown lines forming around my lips, and the dark circles under my eyes. Even my naturally olive skin was starting to look a little pale. I sighed and rubbed my face some, bracing my hands behind my head as I stared back at the woman in the mirror. She was Stormtrooper Commander Hotshot, tired and jaded. She was me. Our only difference was she didn't have to step out of that mirror and face the universe. I did.

I dropped my hands to my sides and turned on the water, splashing my face with a little cold water to try and wake myself out of this morose fog. It didn't work, but I didn't have the time to try again. I had a universe to face, men to command and an admiral to report to.

I dried my hands off and headed back into my room, picking up the fresh white helmet from beside my bunk. It was nearly identical to my old helmet, only with a few changes. I glanced down at it, thinking over the similarities for a moment before I finally tucked it under my right arm and straightened myself up. I looked down and checked that all my armor was in place, stiffening my posture and lifting my chin slightly as I stepped to the door.

I stepped through the door, falling into my usual stride, hiding a slight limp as I headed down towards the command deck. No one dared look me in the eye as I walked past. Was it respect? Or did they see the monster I had become?

"Commander." Admiral Yarell Retf turned to me as I walked stiffly through the doors and onto the command deck. I responded with a curt nod and gave him a cool look.

"Admiral."

He tucked both hands behind his back and returned my icy glance with one of his own, inclining his head ever so slightly as if to assert his own dominance. I was above entertaining his ego, though, and glanced around slightly. His chin dropped some as his eyes narrowed in annoyance. Inwardly, I smirked.

"Well, surely you didn't summon me up here for nothing," I finally said, returning my gaze to him. He bristled almost unnoticeably, but both of us managed to maintain our professional front as we spoke. I had to admit it was a struggle, and a part of me felt sick now that I was aware of the evil I fought for. The other half of me simply wanted to haul off and punch the admiral in his smart face, but both sides knew better than to break character while we were in public.

"No, I didn't," the Admiral finally said, the daggers in his eyes hidden for a moment as his focus shifted from winning out silent battle to whatever information he had for me. I nodded and walked over beside him, scanning the crew working in the level below us, keeping the ship on its course.

"Then what did you request my presence for?" I asked, finding it hard to keep myself from snapping some. I wanted whatever information he had quickly so I could get out of there before I felt anymore guilty than I already was. I glanced down without dropping my head, thinking I saw a spot of blood on the edge of my gauntlet. I nearly froze but controlled myself, looking away. I'd wash the blood off later.

"Our intel has discovered a cell of insurgents on Mon Calamari and it is believed that they have intel on a larger group that has been plaguing us as of late," the admiral said. "I would like you to lead a reconnaissance team to both find that information and destroy them."

I pursed my lips as if I were considering it. I didn't want to do it. My training told me the citizens who dared raise a hand to us were supposed to be the enemy, but I was aware now, fully aware that the Empire that I served was the true enemy. The insurgents were the ones who got it right. 

"Yes sir," my hollow voice finally said as I nodded, but I had no intention to follow through. I was done blindly following orders. I'd taken off the blindfold and I could see.

I could see perfectly.


	2. One

After my discussion with Admiral Retf, I headed back to my quarters again. I needed to call up Lieutenant Mako and inform him of the mission so he could make preparations while I debriefed the men. As much as I hated having to go through with it, I was in too deep to just disappear at the moment. I needed more time to think. I wasn't even sure what I wanted to do yet, I just knew that I couldn't stay loyal to the Empire.

I had to at least pretend I was until I had a plan, though.

Dropping my helmet onto my bed as I entered my quarters, I pulled my comm off of my belt and keyed one of the buttons on the side to call Mako, then sat down at my personal computer terminal as I waited for the transmission to go through.

"Lieutenant Mako." Mako's voice finally cut through the static. I looked down at the comm and picked it up.

"Lieutenant, this is Commander Hotshot. We've received a new mission. Please, report to my quarters for a debriefing," I said. Years of experience had taught me that revealing the details of a mission was not something to be done over comm lines, no matter how secure.

"Your quarters?" Mako asked, sounding confused.

"Yes," I said. There was a brief pause of static, then Mako responded.

"Copy that, ma'am."

I nodded to myself and cut the line, setting my comm on the edge of the computer terminal keyboard. It still sounded odd when he called me ma'am. Being the only female clone during the clone wars had created much confusion, so I'd always insisted my men respond with "yessir" to keep them from getting confused. Confusion was not something you could afford on a battlefield. But now I wasn't the only female in the army, but after so long, the address sounded almost foreign.

I shook it off, though. It wasn't important at the moment, there were greater things at hand. I set my hands on the terminal keyboard and typed in imperial insurgence missions into the search bar, then clicked search. Several mission reports came up on the screen and I began to scroll through them. There weren't too many, but enough for me to find ideas for battle ideas in, and possibly answers to the real question I had in mind.

I clicked the first file, looking over the battle plans used in it, and was about to start reading when I heard the distinct whistle of the door indicator.

"Enter," I called, turning off the terminal as Lieutenant Mako stepped inside, his helmet held stiffly at his side.

"Commander," he said, offering a brief salute before relaxing some. I got up and invited him to sit down.

"No formalities necessary here, Mako," I said. He set his helmet on the floor and relaxed more, sitting on the edge of my bed. I sat back down in the chair for the terminal, setting one arm on the back of the chair.

"You mentioned a mission?" Mako asked. I nodded.

"Mon Calamari insurgence. They want us to put it down," I said, with a quiet sigh. Mako cocked his head slightly, though, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees.

"There a more personal reason you wanted to speak here?" he asked. I stiffened a little and shook my head.

"No," I answered, possibly a little too hastily. "It was simply more convenient," I said. Mako's hazel eyes seemed to search my tired expression but nodded a little.

"Alright," he said. I nodded and allowed a short pause of silence between us as I tried to gather my disrupted thoughts.

"Anyway, I need you to prepare the dropships and gather the 93rd Company. I don't think we'll need that many men, it's a small insurgency. Gather the men in the hangar and I'll debrief them there," I said. Mako nodded, but he made no move to get up. I lifted my eyes to meet his directly for a moment, wondering what he was thinking, or noticing. Despite us having the same stoic features as our progenitor Jango Fett, Mako seemed to be able to make out my smallest expression with a single look.

"You don't want to do this, I can see it," he finally said. "You're no longer loyal to the Empire," he said. I stiffened and clenched my jaw tight. He couldn't know it was true, they'd brand me a traitor and execute me.

"No," I snapped. "I didn't get enough sleep last night," I added, thinking I sounded harsh, but not caring.

"I haven't lost contact with Vis, you know. He could get you out," Mako patiently answered. My eye's flickered back to his, then looked away in my effort to control myself. This was a trap, their way of drawing me out and using those closest to me, I knew it, but--

"Vis?" I asked after a minute, fearing my voice sounded thin and frail. It was a name I had tried not to remember for a while now. Ever since we parted at the end of the Clone War, going our separate ways, I'd tried to put him out of my mind, but there his name was again, reminding me.

"Yes. I know you two split at the end of the Clone War, but I also know you split amicably. I'm sure that if I call him, he would be willing to slip you out," Mako said.

I looked down some at my hands, absently rubbing over my bare ring finger, remember how the metal band had felt when I sat there all those years ago. We'd planned the wedding for after the Clone War, even though we didn't know when the war would end, or if either of us would make it. That ring had been the promise, that at the end of the war, we'd still be there for each other, but now it was gone.

I could feel my face heating up some, my eyes threatening to tear up, but I forced it all back and swallowed the lump in my throat before the real question hit me.

"How do you have contact with Vis?" I asked hoarsely, looking up at Mako. He lowered his voice a little as he leaned in.

"I realized what the Empire was a long time ago, but I stayed so that I could be here to help those who wanted out get out. Vis is actually the one who convinced me to do it. He's been trying to build an inside operation of people like you and me who already work for the Empire but aren't loyal so that one day, there will be enough of us to possibly take down the Empire," he said.

I stared at him, dumbfounded. Vis had organized all of this? Mako had been a spy, right under my nose for force knows how long and I hadn't noticed? It all seemed so surreal, but it wasn't.

"I..." I paused, at a loss for words. What was I to tell him? Part of me wanted out; wanted to get away from this evil operation, but part of me was afraid of leaving Mako here. What if the new commander figured out his plan and it got him killed?

"I don't know," I finally said. "I don't know what I want," I said again. Mako sat up a little and nodded.

"That's fine. It took me a while to think it over as well. The offer stands, though, just tell me when you figure it out. However, if you really want, you could always stay and join our little inside operation to take down the Empire," he added. I nodded quietly, mulling it over in my mind.

"I'll think about it," I said quietly and took a deep breath to refresh my stunned mind. Mako nodded again and he reached for his helmet, sitting up and stretching a little.

"Well, thank you for the debrief, Commander, I'll have the men in the hangar by 1400," he said. I nodded hollowly as he got up. Mako gave a relaxed salute and I offered one back as he walked out of the room. Once the door slid shut, I took another deep breath, getting up and shifting to lay on my bed.

What was I going to do?

I again reached to my left hand, rubbing over the base of my ring finger, feeling the tears from earlier well up into my eyes again. I missed Vis more than I let myself know. Letting go of our relationship had been the hardest thing in the universe. Not because it ended badly, but because I don't think either of us ever stopped loving the other.

I felt a couple of unwanted tears slip down my face, hot reminders of painful feelings buried deep inside. More followed, silently slipping down my cheeks as I stared at the ceiling, my jaw trembling slightly as a knot welled up in my throat. I struggled to swallow it back and compose myself, but it was useless. Finally, I got up and grabbed for my comm, keying Mako's private line as quickly as my trembling fingers would allow.

"Lieutenant Mako," he answered after a minute.

"Give me his line, now. I need to talk to him," I managed, my voice thin as I fought the knot in my throat, struggling not to cry as I spoke. There was a painfully long pause, then my comm beeped with the received information.

"Thank you," I rushed, cutting the line before he could respond as I rushed to bring up the line information. It was encrypted, but it was an old encryption that I knew almost by heart. I wasted no time decoding it, my heart racing as I struggle to keep my composure for the few minutes it took to break the code and punch in the line number.

I sat back on my bed as the static played, waiting for the line to pick up. My hands trembled slightly, tears threatening to slip down my cheeks again as I absently felt my bare ring finger and bit the inside of my lip. Finally, the static ended, a quiet baritone voice taking its place.

"Hello? Who is this and how did you get this number?" Vis asked.

I didn't waste any time explaining, trying to get my message to him before my emotions threatened to take over completely.

"Vis...I love you."


	3. Two

There was a long pause before Vis finally answered me and for a moment my paranoia took over completely, running through every evil plot it could.

"Hotshot...I-I love you too," Vis finally answered. I could hear the hint of surprise in his tone, but I was surprised that it was mostly relief I heard.

"I've been waiting to hear from you," he added after a minute. "I missed you..."

I was already crying, though I had begun to calm down, and I didn't force myself to stop the tears running down my face as I gripped my comm. I was beginning to return to my senses slightly, becoming afraid someone would hear the conversation. Cupping the comm with both hands, I held it close so I could be quieter.

"I missed you too," I whispered, my voice threatening to crack. It felt so good to hear his voice again, to know he didn't hate me for our parting of ways after the war.

"Where are you?" Vis asked after a minute, probably aware of the fact I was whispering. I didn't answer immediately, now struggling to calm myself as I tugged the sleeve of my bodysuit over my knuckles and tried to wipe my face dry. I blinked a few times to rid my eyes of the tears and finally managed to swallow back the knot in my throat.

"I'm on an Imperial Cruiser. I haven't left...I haven't decided if I'm leaving yet, I just needed to call you," I said. "Mako gave me the number," I added.

"So then I'm assuming he told you?" Vis asked. I just nodded a little and tried to dismiss it for the moment. I didn't want to discuss work, I just wanted to talk to Vis.

"Yeah, but that's not why I called you. I just needed to hear your voice," I admitted quietly, curling up on my bed slightly as I shielded the comm against my chest, careful to keep my voice quiet. I listened quietly for sounds outside my door as I waited for Vis's response.

"I missed you too," he said after a minute. I smiled some, imagining that sort of understanding smile he would always have when he said things like that. I had almost forgotten it, but then again, nothing was ever truly forgotten, some things were just buried deeper than others.

"Where are you? Hows it been going?" I asked, slowly becoming curious to know what he'd been doing all this time that we'd been apart. I couldn't blame him if he'd moved on completely, and part of me almost hoped he would so that the memories wouldn't hurt so much.

"I'm with some friends. Been doing well I guess, Mako told you about my plans. They've taken up most of my time. I did buy a place on Coruscant, but I've hardly moved in," he said. I smiled and nodded to myself. He seemed to be doing better than I was.

"How are you?" he asked after a moment. I could hear the hint of worry in his voice. He always worried, it was part of who he was, but not many people would ever know it.

"I'm still alive," I answered with a touch of humor. Vis would understand if no one else in the world.

"Always good to hear, Commander," he laughed quietly. " Although you should know I expect it of you by now," he added, and I knew it was just to make me smile. So I did, casting another suspicious glance over my shoulder as I sighed some, feeling more content than I had in a long time.

"I have to go," Vis finally said after a long minute of content silence. "You have this line and it's secure, though, so call me if you ever need anything," he said. "I'll be here."

"Alright," I said quietly, beginning to sit up slightly. "I..." I tried to say it again, but I couldn't get it out this time. Part of me just knew that Vis had moved on, that I was the one still clinging to what we once had. I wanted it, but I knew better so I kept silent.

"I love you too," Vis said softly and I paused, looking down at the comm. I smiled quietly, though as the transmission clicked to an end. Vis knew, and know I knew that neither of us were ready to give up.

With that reassurance, I set the comm on the table beside my bed and laid back for a minute before getting up. I walked to the refresher and splashed water on my face again, trying to wash away all evidence of the tears and push all my emotions back down. I still had a debriefing to get to, and under no circumstances could anyone know about this.

I grabbed the towel and dried off my face before slicking back a few stray hairs with my still wet hands, then I turned off the water and headed back to my room. I grabbed my gloves and pulled them on before snatching up my helmet, turning it over to make sure I had the right one before settling it against my hip. I took a deep breath to compose myself as I grabbed my comm and clipped it to my belt.

I headed out of my quarters and down the hall to the hangar where Mako should have the men gathered. I checked the time and made sure I was on time myself, then picked up my pace into a brisk stride, setting my chin a little higher as I walked down the hall. I might not be as strong as they thought, but one of the first rules of command was never to let them know. Doubt was the seed of rebellion, and so long as they had no reason to doubt me, I had all the power.

I turned the corner to the lift and stepped in, selecting the hangar deck before settling back on my heels to wait. I was alone in the lift, and part of me wanted to let my shoulders slump and allow myself to relax for a moment, but I knew better. You never know when or how the Empire was watching. Paranoia was my best friend, and so long as it was there, I'd use it to best of my ability.

The lift settled to a stop after a moment and I stepped out, gripping the helmet at my side a little tighter and internally taking a deep breath. I'd lost count of how many debriefings I'd given over the years. It was so routine I never thought about it, but this time felt different. Maybe it was because I knew I would be ordering these men to harm and kill their fellow citizens of the galaxy. I was betraying the very universe I'd once protected, and I had the power to stop it, but I didn't. I felt sick.

"Commander on deck," Mako called as I approached. I glanced his way and saw he'd gotten together the company, every man standing at attention as I walked across the room towards them. My eyes flicked to Mako, trying to catch his gaze. How did he do it? How had he done it this long? Did he feel this way too? I tried to catch his eyes, silently trying to beg for his help, but he looked away at the men. I knew he couldn't risk it. I couldn't either, but I felt so trapped and I didn't know what to do.

"At ease," I called after a moment and in one motion it seemed as though every man dropped their hands to their sides, eyes still on me. I felt like some invisible interrogation was directed at me like they all knew my secrets. They didn't though. I was still in charge.

"Commander, a word," Mako suddenly asked, motioning me over. I kept my stiff posture and walked over there, glancing at Mako.

"Yes, Lieutenant?" I asked, my voice just short of snapping as I struggled to keep myself controlled. A part of me was beginning to panic in a way I'd never felt before, though, and I needed to get out of there. Mako lowered his voice.

"The Admiral just commed me. He wants us to postpone the whole things. One of the Grand Moffs is supposed to be arriving tonight and he needs all officers present."

I grit my teeth a moment, taking in a deep breath to quell the anger that was replacing my panic. 

"Tell him we will," I growled through my teeth. I was tired of Retf toying with me, trying to slip doubt into my facade wherever he could. Of course he would've already known the Grand Moff was coming when we spoke earlier, he just wanted to watch my reaction to being told last minute. I knew his games, and I was tired of letting him know that I wasn't going to play. I had no choice but to dismiss the men, though, and explain.

I nodded to Mako slightly and broke our conversation as I walked back in front of the company. "Well, It appears that The Admiral has forgotten to check his planner again. We will be postponing our attack until the morning. Until then you can all go get some rest," I said, smirking to myself. Half the company burst out laughing and I couldn't help but crack a tiny smile myself. Nobody said I couldn't have a little fun watching the Admiral seethe, which I simply knew he'd be doing when he got word of this.

Once I was done basking in the bit of satisfaction I'd gotten out of my own quip, I dismissed the men and walked back to Mako, allowing my shoulders to sag slightly as I fell into a more relaxed step.

"I don't know how you do it," I said, watching them leave with tired eyes. Mako shrugged a little.

"It gets easier with practice," he answered vaguely. I nodded and closed my eyes for a moment, resisting the urge to lay my head on his shoulder.

"I still don't understand how I got the lower rank," Mako quipped, tucking his thumbs in his belt. I smirked.

"Age doesn't make experience, ori'vod," I answered. He rolled his eyes but smiled, glancing over at me with all the understanding only an older brother could have.

"You keep thinking that, little sis," he said, shoving me lightly with his shoulder. I nudged him back and gave him a humorously annoyed smile. Mako stretched his arms in front of himself and grinned.

"I'd better go dig out my formal uniform for tonight," Mako commented. I glanced down at my helmet and groaned slightly.

"We have to wear uniforms for this?" I asked, absently rubbing a spot off of my helmet's visor with my thumb. Mako nodded.

"Yep, and all the medals too. The whole mess," he said. I groaned out loud and sighed.

"Then I'd better go get changed as well," I said. Mako smiled and nodded as we reached the lift. I pressed the button to head up and Mako paused, saluting loosely.

"See you there, Commander," he said. I nodded and offered a loose salute in return as Mako turned and headed down to his quarters. I stepped back into the lift and headed up to get ready. 

 

It didn't take long to change into the uniform, but it took a few minutes to get all of the medals positioned right. Half of them were from the Clone Wars, only they'd been awarded after the war by the Empire. It felt wrong to put them on, letting everyone think I was a war hero because I had so many badges and supposed honors. Only I knew that half of these medals were born from blood, not honor. They were a testament to the evil I was. It took everything I had not to leave them off and simply try to explain why I wasn't wearing them. I had an appearance to keep up, though, so I fastened each one on carefully and straightened my uniform shirt slightly. I checked my appearance in the mirror, making sure there wasn't a wrinkle on the grey uniform. I straightened a few medals, then pulled on my black gloves and sighed, stepping away from the mirror. I slipped my blaster pistol into its decorative holster and headed back out.

The officer's hangar was just down the hall and I met Mako, Retf, and a few other high officers there as we awaited the arrival of the Grand Moff. I slipped into place beside Retf and said nothing as I saw the Moff's ship approaching. It executed a swift landing and the Grand Moff himself arrived a few moments later, walking stiffly down the ramp. I watched him silently as he walked, seeming to struggle slightly against his weight with every step. He smiled to see Retf and for the first time, I watched the Admiral crack a rather evil grin.

"Retf," the Grand Moff commented in pleasure, offering the Admiral a firm handshake. Retf returned the gesture with his wicked grin still plastered on his face.

"Glad to see you as well Ortas," he said. The Grand Moff glanced around, offering me a particularly wide grin. I nodded in return, remaining stiffly in my place until the Grand Moff finished his round of introductions and ushered us all to the command room. I turned when we were finally dismissed and fell back to walk beside Mako, not caring what anyone thought.

I said nothing as we walked to the command room, but I didn't need to. Mako was one of those older brothers that knew everything without a single word being spoken. He could see it all, so I just kept silent. When we arrived in the Command Room I managed to force a little small talk, but both of us were simply pretending and we both knew it. We managed to make it through the dinner, though, and the rest of the introductions for the night and finally we were all dismissed around 2200. I headed back to my quarters and most of the other officers did the same.

Once back in the safe solitude of my quarters, I quickly changed out of my uniform and into loose shorts and a tank top, sitting on my bed. I glanced at my comm and thought about calling Vis again, but I knew it was a risk I shouldn't take, so I left my comm alone and slipped under the thin covers of my bed.

I curled up and closed my eyes, wrapping both arms around myself. I lay there and listened to all the small noises from outside my door and the voices of people walking past talking and laughing. Minutes passed, then half an hour, but I couldn't sleep. I tried turning onto my other side, tugging the blankets tighter around myself and tucking my arms firmly around myself, but that didn't help much. I opened my eyes and stared at the thin glow of blue from the panel beside the door before I finally got up. I grabbed a jacket and listened a moment, not hearing as much noise outside my door. Secure in the knowledge that most everyone else was asleep I got up and pulled on my boots, heading out of my room.

I walked down to the stairs and took them down to the next level, clutching the jacket around myself as I moved quickly. Back on Kamino I'd nearly perfected the art of slipping around unnoticed since we weren't supposed to leave our bunk rooms after a certain hour.

I slipped out of the stairwell and mentally counted off the doors to the minor officer's rooms as I walked down the hall. There were seven on the left, then six more on the right. The seventh on the right was the one I needed. I knocked quickly on the door when I reached it, rocking impatiently on my heels and I glanced around warily. I spotted a few mouse droids doing the cleaning rounds, but no one came as I waited. Finally, the door slid open.

"You can't sleep?" Mako asked, yawning slightly as he gave me a patient look, his eyes understanding. I nodded and he stepped aside.

"Alright. I should've known better than to fall asleep already anyway," he said with a soft smile. I smiled quietly and stepped quickly into his room, which was nearly a mirror image of mine except his armor was stacked less neatly in the corner. Mako closed the door and moved back over to his bed, sitting down.

"You know, I'd have thought you'd learn to sleep on your own by now," he quipped. I rolled my eyes and slipped off my boots.

"Well if you'd ever kicked me out when I was younger I might have," I smiled and moved over there, sitting beside him. He laughed and shifted to lay down, leaving room for me.

"Am I really that terrible of a big brother?" he asked as I shifted to lay down next to him. Mako wrapped his arms around him and reached up to pull my hair down out of its usual bun. I curled up some and closed my eyes.

"Yup, worst big brother in the universe," I told him, struggling to keep from laughing. Mako sighed dramatically.

"Alright, if you say so, lil' sis," he said. I couldn't help but grin as I curled up and let him hold me. All the joking aside, Mako was the best older brother I could have. He understood it all and he knew it all. But the best part was that he was still there, and would always be there. I smiled and closed my eyes again, resting in his arms and relaxing.

"Love you, little sis," Mako said quietly, holding me firmly. I relaxed more than I had in a while and nodded.

"Love you, ori'vod," I mumbled tiredly before eventually falling asleep.


	4. Three

I woke early in the morning, about 0400, and almost rolled over before realizing Mako was still holding me. I squirmed free of my older brother's grip and sat up, causing him to shift and roll over himself. I stretched both arms over my head and reached over to grab my jacket. Mako always kept his room cold. Even on Kamino, he kept the temperature somewhere close to freezing. I'm pretty sure he has a higher body temp than I do.

Pulling the jacket on, I got up. No one else would be up at this hour, and it was best if no one knew that I was semi-afraid to sleep alone. I got up and crossed the room silently, slipping on my boots at the door and silently keying the door open. I moved into the hallway and gave a cautious glance around before quickly heading back up to my own room.

Once back in the safety of my own quarters, I sat down on my bed and shed the jacket, kicking my boots off and nudging them under my bed with my foot. I considered laying back down to try and catch a few more minutes of sleep but decided against it. Instead, I got up and headed into the refresher. I glanced at my image in the mirror for only a brief second before grabbing one of the hairbands off the edge of the sink and looking back in the mirror.

My hair was a lot longer than it had started out at the beginning of the Clone Wars. I had never tried to measure its length, but by merit of the fact I could feel it brushing my shoulder blades, it had to have grown at least five inches. That didn't change the fact that it was unpractical to leave it down during the day, though, so I grabbed my hairbrush and held one hairband in my teeth as I pulled my hair back into a low ponytail. A few minutes later I had put it back into a tight bun at the base of my head. Satisfied that it was out of the way I walked back into the main area of my quarters and grabbed my bodysuit off the end of my bed.

After I had worked my bodysuit on and zipped up the front, I began to carefully put my armor on. There was a near-mindless method to getting it all on quickly, which was especially helpful in those five to ten minutes usually given before a base was attacked. When all the alarms are blaring, dragging you out of your bed in a daze of shock and fear, you learn to do certain things without thinking.

I finished buckling my breastplate in place and moved to pull on my boots, completing the armor before standing up and shifting a little to make sure it was all on comfortably. I'd never had issues with my clone armor, but this new stormtrooper kit was stiffer and not nearly as well designed. I could manage, though.

Looking over, I glanced at the time and noted that I had about forty minutes before I needed to meet my men in the hangar to go over the mission debrief, again. I sighed and sat down on my bed, settling both elbows on my knees and leaning forward. What was I going to do? If I called Vis now, maybe he could get me out before the debriefing, but I'd be leaving Mako to fend for himself, and I didn't trust Retf to overlook him as a possible threat. If I stayed, I'd have to order my men to kill civilians, most of whom were innocent and simply trying to protect themselves. My only other option was to stay and commit silent sabotage while acting like I was still a loyal pawn.

I glanced over at my comm and sighed. My fear was screaming for me to pick up that comm and ask Vis to rescue me. Despite all my training, I wanted to run away and hide. But my deeper conscience knew better. I knew that I couldn't simply pretend that the Empire didn't exist. It did, and running wouldn't do anything for anyone. My original purpose had been to protect the universe, not leave it to fend for itself. I had to do something, that was what I had been trained for.

Getting up, I picked up my comm and pressed the call back button, waiting in silence as static buzzed through the end. I felt my chest tighten with fear, but I swallowed it back and stared at the comm. There was no going back from this, I knew that, but everything still felt surreal.

"Yes?" Vis's groggy voice finally cut through the static and I took a deep breath.

"It's me, Hotshot," I answered. There was a long pause that I assumed was Vis trying to wake up and gather his wits. He had never been a morning person, and part of me felt bad for waking him before 0700, but this couldn't wait.

"Morning," he yawned after a minute. "Is there a reason you called me halfway through the night?"

I suppressed a small laugh at his ever-present humor, smiling briefly before my mind returned to the serious matter at hand. "I want to join you. Mako told me that you've been running an insurgency from inside the Empire. I know Mako is one of them, I want to join," I said. There was a bit of weight that lifted from my chest and I sighed internally, knowing I was doing the right thing.

"Alright," Vis said, his tone more solemn now. "Consider it done," he added.

"Thank you," I sighed, my shoulder slumping with relief. "Is there anything I can do now?"

I could hear a hint of a smile in Vis's voice as he responded. "Actually, your timing is perfect. There's a situation on Mon Calamari. I don't want you to have to sabotage the whole thing, you need to lay low for a few months just in case, but if there's any way you could...frustrate the Empire on that subject, I think they might just give up," he said.

I looked down at the floor and smiled, biting my upper lip to suppress a laugh. "Yeah, about that. I'm on point to lead the mission to put down the insurgents," I told him.

"Perfect," Vis answered, his tone bright but serious. "I'll let you do what damage you can, then. Just be careful," he added.

I smiled. "You know me, I'm always careful."

"Famous last words," Vis quipped and I smiled a little more before reminding myself of the seriousness of the task at hand.

"Consider those orders complete, though. I'll get onto it today and hopefully by tomorrow the people of Mon Calamari will be free," I said.

"Sounds good," Vis said. "And hey, I love you."

I paused a little, blinking quietly. "I-I love you too," I finally stammered, gripping the comm tighter. Did he actually mean it? Or was he just saying that out of habit? I wasn't sure, but a small hopeful part of me hoped he meant it.

"Call me if you need any help later," Vis finally said. I nodded.

"Alright....bye."

I cut the transmission before I said anything stupid and I sat back some. He'd said it. Did that mean he hadn't moved on like I'd thought he had? I wasn't sure. I didn't know what to think, I was too confused at this point.

I shook it off, though and clipped my comm to my belt, checking the time again. I needed to get down to the hangar.

I straightened up and grabbed my helmet, then headed out of my room towards the lift. A short ride down a level and I headed down to the hangar bay where Mako should have the men waiting, again. I sighed internally, knowing these were just Retf's petty games, but I couldn't help a little annoyance.

Of course, Retf would know how much his childish antics annoyed me. He was a former Separatist, and they all loved to play games. Especially Retf. I hadn't forgotten about our past, even if we had been forced to work together for the last few years.

"Attention! Commander on Deck," Mako ordered as I entered the hangar. I repressed a small smile. It was hard to hide my pride for my older brother at times, I'd always assumed it was part of being the little sister.

"At ease," I ordered, stepping out in front of the group. The men relaxed slightly as I set my helmet on the ground, folding both hands behind my back.

"You all know that we're going to be putting down Mom Calamari Insurgence. This is not the first insurgent attack we've seen on Mon Calamari, however, therefore we will be executing a new tactic to more effectively put down this and any further acts of rebellion. We will attack in four groups, full frontal assaults on the insurgent base. It's not far from the city, so be careful. We want as few, preferably no, civilian casualties," I ordered. "I want the four groups to attack from all sides. If we surround the base we can siege it and eventually the Mom Calamari will have to give in," I added. "Questions?"

"Ma'am," one of the men at the back raised his hand. I glanced back there, taking in a sharp breath when I recognized him to be a former clone trooper.

"Yes," I replied, my voice sounding thin in my own ears.

"Shouldn't we take a more stealthy approach? After all, the Mom Calamari are well known for frequently changing tactics."

I took a long moment to consider my answer, my heart racing in my chest. Half of these men probably didn't even know the evil they fought for and I was sending them out there to die just to make a statement. Then again, this was war. I'd been sending men to die my whole life. It just felt so much more wrong right now.

"Trooper, these are civilians, they're not trained in military tactics. We are. They can change their approach, but without training, they don't stand a chance," I finally managed to say, taking a deep breath to calm my nerves.

"Yes ma'am," the trooper answered. I glanced over the group, seeing no more hands raised and no one spoke up. Finally, I picked up my helmet and looked at Mako, giving him a curt nod.

"Alright, men. Let's move out."


	5. Four

I stand apart from my men on the ride down to the surface of the planet. I know that if I stand there and talk to them I will end up getting attached, and I know I'm sending these men to die. If I get attached I'll lose my nerve and I promised Vis I would do this. 

"You okay?" Mako asked, his helmet off as he inched closer to me, clinging to the railing for stability. I looked up at him and slipped off my helmet, nodding.

"Yeah," I said quietly but sighed quietly. Mako put his hand on my shoulder. He would understand, I knew he would. I looked down at my helmet, turning in my hands. 

"We're almost there," he said. I nodded quietly and shifted my shoulders some. 

"I don't like these aqua trooper suits," I said quietly. "They're tighter than normal bodysuits," I added. Mako smiled softly and laughed quietly.

"You get used to it. Plus, it's not so tight in the water," he said.

I nodded and picked up my helmet, reconnecting the breather tubes to the lightweight air tank on my back. "Yeah, I still don't like them that much," I stated. "Now, get your helmet on, we should be there any minutes," I ordered, slipping my helmet on. 

"Yes ma'am," Mako responded with a half sarcastic tone. I gave him a glare through my visor as he picked up his helmet and pulled it on, checking his breathing tubes. I looked over and ordered the rest of the men in the ship to get ready as I felt the ship dip down above the water. A moment later the side doors opened and I walked to the edge, sitting down to pull on my boots that doubled as flippers for swimming. Everyone else followed suit. I took a deep breath, looking down at the churning water being kicked up by the repulsors of the ship. I looked down the line of men.

"Go!" I yelled over comms. The men that were ready pushed off the edge and let themselves drop into the water below. I glanced at Mako and he clapped me reassuringly on the back. I nodded at our silent exchange, then gripped the edge of the ship floor and shoved myself off the edge before I could think. A moment of complete weightlessness followed as I crossed my arms over my chest to narrow my profile and decrease the pain of impact. My feet hit first and a moment later I was submerged. I gasped instantly as if expecting my lungs to fill with water, but the seal on my helmet held and I simply got a lungful of clean cool air. I took a second to assert myself before twisting around and kicking myself down from the surface.

"Everyone in the water?" I called, looking through the dark murky water to try and spot my men. We were far enough from the Calamari base to be safe. 

"All here, Commander," Mako said after a moment. 

"Good," I said and reached up to turn on my helmet lights. "Break into your groups. Mako, you're with me. The enemy base if about three klicks from here and two klicks down. We will head down then over. Remember, full frontal assault. We will siege them if need be. They're civilians, they can't hold out long," I ordered everyone. A twinge of remorse struck me, making me feel nauseous as I thought about all of these men, most of them entirely innocent, blindly running into the fire of the enemy.

I couldn't save them all, though. Right now, my focus was saving the Mon Calamari and nothing else. 

"Yes ma'am," most of them chorused in response and I nodded, giving them a minute to split into their groups before I began descending into the murky waters. 

It took a good twenty minutes to reach the proper depth and once there the water seemed to clear from a murky grey to a clear blue. I could see the spires of the city in the distance and the lights from the enemy base were just ahead. I wondered if Vis was down there, although I hoped he wasn't. 

Once parallel to the base, we began to swim along the sea floor, moving steadily towards the base. As per the plan, I paid little heed to stealth and simply fell back a rank or two beside Mako. As we neared the base I began to wonder if perhaps my plan would work. I didn't want it to, but if these people truly weren't trained, this sloppy attack could accidentally work. I found myself stalling a little and kicked harder to keep up, swallowing hard. 

Here's hoping Vis at least send them a little help, I thought to myself as we approached. The base seemed almost deserted, lights on but no activity visible. I took in a deep breath and reached for my pistol. 

"All units prepared for attack?" I called over comms. I got the same chorus of a positive response and nodded to myself.

"All units, proceed with the attack," I calmly said, drawing my pistol as we surrounded the base. Moments after my words left my mouth I saw blaster fire fill the water. My men surrounded the base and moved steadily closer, firing. I saw no return fire, though, and began to worry. For several minutes we kept up the attack and a few of my men began to penetrate the base. A few even made it inside. I stayed back and watched, looking around, starting to feel some nature of impending danger, but not sure where it was coming from. Suddenly, static burst through my comms and cut out.

"Ma'am, the base...it's empty," one of the men who had entered the base suddenly said. I paused, knowing exactly what was happening, and it was exactly what I had hoped would happen. I still paused, though, hesitate to give the order when the Mon Calamari suddenly burst in from behind with guns blazing. My men were caught entirely off guard and I finally managed to yell the order to turn about. Thankfully, it was practically too late. The Mon Calamari soldiers were among our ranks instantly, picking off the men around me. I turned myself and began to fire back, careful to avoid actually hitting any of our attackers. If this was Vis's handiwork, he had indeed trained these people well. They moved swiftly through the water, thinning the ranks with ease. I even had to dodge a few close shots myself. 

Even with their training, the battle still raged on longer than anticipated. I dove slightly to avoided a couple of blaster bolts and fired back into the now murky waters, kicking up dust as I struggled to maintain my position. Another shot came out of the blackness and I narrowly avoided it, losing my bearings slightly. I looked up to try and catch a glimpse of Mako or any of my men, but the water had become too dark and mud riddled and I could see hardly anything. 

I was near the bottom, though, so I allowed myself to sink until I could touch the sea floor, then I thrust myself upwards, turning to fire back into the mayhem. I caught a quick glance of Mako on my left and kicked forward. 

Moving forward quickly proved to be a mistake, though, for as soon as I had propelled myself towards the advancing Mon Calamari, several blaster bolts came from the blackness and I didn't have time to adjust. I felt one of the bolts slam into my shoulder armor, knocking me spinning while another grazed past my collarbone. I could only feel a tingle of seared skin, though, before I registered the injury and the burning pain spread. I suppressed a pained cry and just pressed forward, reminding myself that they didn't know. I fired a few sloppy shots back into the empty water before dropping my arm to my side and reaching to the wound, pressing my hand against it. There didn't seem to be any blood, but I knew as well as anyone that not all blaster shots cauterized the wound. I didn't have time to focus on my injury, though, and simply pressed upward, trying to escape the thick of the fighting. 

As I reached a thinner area, Mako's voice came through on my comm. "Ma'am, we're outnumbered and they have us cornered. We need to get out of here or we'll be slaughtered," he said.

I looked down and saw the exchange of fire from both sides, no longer seeing as much coming from my men anymore. My mind wandered to wonder how many were lying dead in the water, but I shook the thought from my head as I answered Mako.

"Understood, Lieutenant," I said, then raised my voice a little, struggling to keep the pain out of it. "All units, immediate retreat. I repeat, make an immediate retreat to the pickup," I said. I looked down and let out a quiet sigh, pressing my hand a little harder on the wound. New pain sparked through my shoulders but I simply gritted my teeth and began to kick harder, moving away from the battle. A minute later all fire from our side ceased and I saw a few men manage to make their way out. Mako slipped out as well and lead some of the men away to safety. I turned my gaze forward and slowed my pace a little, making my way to the pickup destination. 

When we had all arrived, I looked around and noted that about a quarter of my men remained. I thought I would feel worse knowing the others were dead or too badly injured to swim, but instead I felt almost a relief. The Mon Calamari had won and were safe for the moment and that was all that mattered. 

Mako swam over to me from the group and I looked up as he approached, but he paused, then swam over faster.

"You're injured," he said bluntly. 

I looked down at the wound, nodding a little. "It just grazed me, I'll be fine," I said firmly. I could tell Mako was giving me one of his skeptical older brother looks, though, and so I allowed him to move my hand and inspect the wound as best he could through the hazy water. 

"You still need to get that treated as soon as we are above water," he said, just as firmly. "And that's an order."

I nodded. "Yes sir," I quipped weakly and smiled, pressing my hand back over the wound once Mako backed off some. After that I looked up slightly, feeling the water around me beginning to move a little more than usual. Through the distorted view below the surface, I could make out a dark ship, though. The ship came closer to the water than before and I could practically feel the strong wind churning the water around us. 

"Alright men, they're here to get us," I called, swimming up to the surface myself. I broke the surface of the water and saw several other troopers there ready to help us up. I let my men go first, then Mako and finally he helped one of the other men haul me into the ship. Once inside, I used my free hand to quickly pull off my helmet, shivering as I suddenly realized how cold the water around us had been. Mako knelt beside me and I looked up at him as he gestured a couple of medics over. 

I leaned back against the wall and tried to sit up some, pulling my hand back from the wound. As soon as I did, though, I could see the black stain of blood on my glove and realized that the wound had been bleeding the whole time. I looked up at Mako only to feel like everything around me was starting to sway and swim. I put a hand to my head and looked back down. 

"Hotshot?" Mako's dim voice cut through my foggy mind. I looked back at him, not registering his words. He was speaking, I could hear him, but nothing made sense. It was all simple gibberish. I cut my eyes over to the medics approached and watched them for a moment as they moved seemingly is a slow blur. I blinked, my eyes feeling heavy as I looked around. For a minute nothing seemed to move and a feeling of strong drowsiness settled over me. Without a second thought, I gave into it and let everything fade to black and I closed my eyes.


	6. Five

There are days I'm glad I have a high tolerance for pain. Right now it was one of those days, but regardless, a painkiller would still have been highly appreciated.

Cracking my eyes open I could already feel the throbbing in my chest and shoulder. I'd thought the blaster bolt only grazed me, but I had clearly been wrong as indicated by the level of pain I was currently gritting my teeth against as I woke up in a groggy daze. 

I blinked a little, my eyes taking their time adjusting to the blindingly bright lights above me. I shifted a little and tried to raise myself onto my elbows, biting my lip in pain as I squinted and tried to look around the room. A minute later someone was blocking my view, though, insisting that I lay back down. I blatantly ignored them as I took in a deep breath to control the pain and let my hazy vision adjust until I could make out the medbay room with the unnervingly white sterile walls surrounding me. I swallowed, feeling a tad nauseous with pain as the person, whom I now recognized as a medic, again insisted I lay down. I looked over at them and suddenly felt as if the whole room were spinning around me. I laid back down.

"You've been shot, you need to rest," the medic said firmly. I pressed my lips into a stubborn line but complied to lay down and rest for a minute until the wave of dizziness passed. I don't like anyone in the medical profession much, they all think they know exactly what's best and some of them are a bit terrifying. The Empire is even worse because half of them are aliens and I'm not sure I trust some alien who's heart or lungs are in his stomach to operate on me without killing me. 

Thankfully, my current doctor was human, and that was a minor comfort. I looked around the room again, even though it was nothing out of the ordinary. As I glanced around the dizziness wore off finally, and I became aware of a few things beyond the pain just below my neck. My mouth was uncannily dry and I thought about asking for water but decided against it. I was curious to know how much time had lapsed between when I remembered passing out and when I woke up, though. 

I looked over at the medic with my mind made up to ask him about it when the door to the room opened and I saw Mako step in. I felt a bit of relief wash over me now that there was someone I trusted and at least knew here. 

"She's awake," the medic said in a monotone, not bothering to glance as Mako as he walked over. I pushed myself up onto my elbows again and managed a weak smile as Mako hurried over.

"Are you alright?" he asked, giving me one of those older sibling looks that told me I should be resting. I gave in and laid back again, nodding.

"Well, I'm not dead" I whispered hoarsely. Mako's concerned gave turned into an unamused deadpan. I offered a thin smirk.

"Seriously, how bad is it?" he asked. I managed a tiny shrug.

"I don't know. There's a lot of pain, but I don't think it's that bad," I told him. He nodded and sat on the edge of the bed as the medic wandered out of the room.

"I told the Admiral you were wounded and that you would talk to him when you could," he said. I nodded. The Admiral would no doubt be furious about our supposed defeat, but frankly, I didn't care. I'd done what I'd told Vis I would do, and I had saved innocent lives. That was all that mattered. 

"Thank you," I said. 

Mako nodded and offered a worried smile. "You know, you didn't have to make it this convincing," he said. 

I smirked a bit and tried not to wince slightly. "Hey, gotta make sure the Admiral doesn't suspect anything fishy," I whispered thinly.

Mako nodded but I could tell he was genuinely concerned. I reached over and gripped his hand. "I'll be fine. Just cause you're my big brother doesn't mean you have to worry too much," I said.

He gave me a quiet look. "Yeah, it does." 

I nodded and laid my head back to rest some, trying to ease the pain. Mako grabbed me another pillow and helped me prop my head up to ease the pain more. It helped slightly and I was able to relax. Mako shifted to get up.

"Call me if you need anything, alright? I've gotta go take care of some things and file a report, but I'll be back later," he said. I nodded and watched him leave quietly before looking around the empty room. I considered calling Vis instead, but it was too much of a risk, so I left it alone. 

The pain was beginning to ease, but after a little while, I forgot about it almost completely. I thought back to the Mon Calamari, knowing they were safe at least for a little while now that the Empire's grip had been loosened. I had saved them and I had helped them. I could still remember being nervous, though, but now I knew I could do this. I could help the rest of the universe and save innocent lives. I didn't have to be the same evil as the Empire, I just couldn't let anyone know.

I glanced over at the door. That was the hardest part of living a double life. Even though I knew I could do this, it wouldn't be easy. I would have to become a far better actor than I already was. Mako seemed to have already mastered it, perhaps he could help me. 

I laid my head back as the throbbing returned slightly and I closed my eyes. I'd get Mako's help and whoever else's help I could, but no matter what, I was going to make myself the most dangerous thing the Empire would never see coming.


	7. Six

After several weeks of being told to sit in bed, not listening, and being forced to sit in bed, I was finally cleared to leave. I grabbed my stuff and headed back to my quarters to change into something more comfortable, glad to be back on my feet. There was a pretty nasty scar where I'd been hit, but I had plenty of scars, they didn't really matter to me anymore. It was just who I was. 

I stepped into my quarters and sighed quietly in relief as I dropped my bag beside the door and crossed the room to sit on my bed. After a minute, though, I got up and changed into my uniform pants and a tank top, leaving off the uniform shirt for now. They tended to get warm and uncomfortable after a while. 

I finished changing and sat back down, only to hear my comm beep at me. I picked it up and saw an immediate summons to the bridge. I groaned aloud and sighed, but grabbed my uniform shirt and pulled it on, putting on my boots as well before checking my appearance was "formal" enough and heading out of my room. 

It was a short walk to the bridge and as soon as I got there, I knew something was up. Retf was waiting for me, hands clasped firmly behind his back with his thin lips pressed into a tight line. His hawk eyes narrowed into distrustful slits as I walked over, but I refused to allow any acknowledgment of my part in our defeat show. I walked up towards him and offered a short salute. He didn't return the gesture.

"What was that!" he snapped, his voice low and controlled, but sharper than a Kyrat dragons tooth. 

"Depends, what "that" do you refer to?" I asked cooly. I detected an inaudible growl from him as he stiffened and raised himself to attempt to gain the upper hand.

"That was a routine mission. Nothing difficult. Nothing tricky. You should have won," his hissed reply came. 

I looked at him with cool blankness for a moment. "Admiral, they were not where our intelligence told us they were. They took us by surprise. It is one loss. We are not perfect. I am not perfect. Now please, have the dignity to not be a sore loser," I chided. 

His eyes flashed, satisfying me that I had insulted him quite well, so I stepped back and let him seethe a moment before adding.

"Now, sir, surely you have another purpose for summoning me?" 

The fire in his eyes lessened a moment but smoldered as he scowled and after a minute, responded. "Yes. We have intercepted a shipment of illegal weapons heading to Nar Shadda and we have received confirmation that they were not the property of our Hutt allies. We have reason to believe they were being provided to more insurgents hiding out on Nar Shadda or one of its moons. We have been tasked with finding these insurgents and eliminating them before they become a threat," he said. "Your team will deploy tomorrow to Nar Shadda to begin the search."

I nodded silently and waited, sensing in his unfinished tone that there was more to be said and after a minute he did continue.

"Also, later today a fresh set of rookies will be arriving. You will be tasked with updating them and ensuring they find their barracks. That is all," he said with a dismissive gesture. I nodded and left the bridge. They certainly seemed to be recovering quickly. A new set of soldiers already on their way, and it had only been a few weeks. Not to mention we already had a new mission. 

I walked silently back to my quarters, passing a few people in the halls before slipping into the solitude of my room. I sat down and glanced at my comm. Vis hadn't contacted me about this, so I made an assumption that he didn't know about this yet. I considered contacting him, but it was too much of a risk, especially while the Admiral suspected something might be up. I'd have to deal with this on my own. 

I laid back some and closed my eyes, reaching back to pull my hair out of a bun and run my hands through it. Why hadn't I just asked Vis to get me out when I had the chance? I knew why, but sometimes I wondered what had made me choose that. It would have been too selfish not to stay, though, so here I was. 

I ran my fingers through my hair, pulling it down my shoulders as I laid there, my eyes closed. I rested for a bit, trying to forget about all the worries and stress for the moment. Mako used to tell me it would make my hair turn gray prematurely. I cracked one eye open and pulled a strand of light gray hair in front of my face. Mako hadn't been wrong. 

I exhaled some and sat up after a minute, grabbing my uniform shirt and working it on, slipping my boots back on again. I got up and lazily pulled my hair into a tight ponytail before heading out of my room. It was probably somewhere close to lunch, so I headed to the mess hall. 

Getting a tray of food I headed to the back to sit next to Mako. As I sat down I saw he was filing reports on his datapad as he ate. I figured I'd wait till he was done to say anything, and just sat there, eating a little before glancing over his shoulder.

"Sometimes I wonder if lieutenant is just the name for glorified battlefield secretary," I commented. He looked up and smiled.

"Me too," he said tiredly with a thin smile. 

I pushed my tray away slightly and took the datapad out of his hands. "Regardless, you should take a break. Let me do some. You should call home, you haven't seen your family in weeks," I said. Mako looked up.

"You just wanna see Lani," he said.

I shrugged as I began to type up a quick report. "What kind of an aunt would I be if I didn't want to see my niece," I countered.

Mako laughed quietly as he pulled out his comm. "And to think you and Vis never wanted kids."

I glanced at him with a playfully narrow gaze. "I said I wanted to be an aunt, not a mother," I said.

Mako rolled his eyes and typed in Koya's number, waiting as the transmission took its time going through. After a minute, though, a small blue holographic image of Koya appeared. Mako leaned forward some and one of those rare loving smiles crossed his lips again. I smiled to myself at seeing him so happy.

"Hey, what's going on?" Koya asked, her clear voice coming over the comm. 

Mako relaxed some and I watched them out of the corner of my eye. "Not much, I just thought I'd call you. My little sister here is getting pushy about seeing her niece," he said, elbowing me. 

I elbowed him back and finished typing up the report, smiling as Koya laughed quietly.

"And to think I thought you called just cause you loved me," she quipped, but she pulled Lani up to where she could be seen. Lani waved with gleaming eyes, her cheery four-year-old face beaming as she caught sight of Mako. I leaned over and waved at her some, grinning to see her smile and wave back. Mako was smiling contentedly, looking less tired than before.

"Hey, sweetheart," he said. Lani grinned and reached for the comm some.

"Hi, daddy!" 

Koya was smiling brightly in the background. "Daddy's gonna be on leave soon and get to come home, right?" she said, the question more directed towards Mako than Lani. I nodded in the background. 

"Real soon," I said, glancing at Mako.

He gave me a grateful smile and nodded. "What she said."

Lani giggled happily and smiled even brighter, as Koya gave me a similarly grateful smile. I returned it with a pleased nod and settled back to do my work.

"When do you think real soon will be?" Koya asked as I listened absently. Mako glanced over at me then back at her.

"I imagine in about two or three weeks," he said. Koya nodded and smiled more. Lani made another grab for the comm and Koya averted her effort, starting to set her down. She paused though and whispered something to Lani. The little girl perked up and waved again.

"Bye, daddy! Bye, Aunt Hotshot!" she gigled before Koya set her down and she ran off. I waved some and Mako did as well before settling his elbows on the table. 

"I think I have to go get back to work," Koya said. "But it was nice to see you and talk to you," she added. Mako nodded. 

"I love you. I'll be home soon," he said.

Koya nodded and smiled as she answered. "Love you too."

Mako ended the transmission and I handed his datapad back, smiling quietly. "Feeling better?" I asked. 

He nodded. "Thank you," he said as I began to gather up our trays, forks, and other trash, piling it all together. When I had finished I looked back at him.

"You deserve it."

He smiled and I got up to put our stuff up, pleased that I could at least do a little good around here too.


	8. Seven

Babysitting rookies was not my ideal evening, but I had an obligation, unfortunately. Thankfully, most of them were quiet, although not exactly well trained or informed. I managed to get it over with, however, and not strangle any of them before retiring to my quarters. 

I changed quickly into something more comfortable and sat down on the edge of my bed, running my hands through my hair and leaning back. There was a beep at the door, however, as someone signaled for entrance.

"Come in," I called and watched as the door slid open. I sat up some as I recognized one of the new sergeants I hadn't gotten a chance to meet earlier. For a moment he stood in the doorway before pulling off his helmet and stepping inside.

"Ma'am," he said, the door sliding shut behind him. My eyes lifted to study his face and found they didn't have too.

"Kael?" I asked, a bit surprised to see him standing before me. It had been years since I'd actually seen the rookie. That is, when he'd been a rookie. He was obviously a sergeant now, and a bit older than I remembered.

He blinked slightly before maintaining his composure better than I had and nodding. "Y-Yes ma'am," he said.

I got up and walked over there, offering to let him sit down on the bed since it was the only seat there was besides the floor. 

"So, I take it your my new sergeant," I said, trying to keep the conversation as professional as possible. I didn't know what side he was on, and it was best if I kept it professional. 

"Yes, ma'am. They send me in today. I already met with Mako, we talked about the mission tomorrow and he told me where to find you. He didn't exactly mention that it was, you, though," he said.

I nodded. "Well, at least you're already debriefed. Did you need something?" I asked. He shook his head.

"Just wanted to come make proper introductions..."

I laughed quietly and nodded. "Yeah, so much for that."

This time he nodded and smiled a little. "Then, I guess I'd better head on and get some rest. Nice to see you," he said, getting up. I nodded and sat back down as he left. I stared after him a minute, however, curiously wondering if he was with me and Mako, or if he was still as oblivious as I was. After a bit, though, I put the thoughts aside and laid down. For the moment it didn't matter, I would deal with everything in the morning. 

Turning onto my side and gripping the covers around myself, I exhaled a little and after a bit fell asleep.

|||||||

It was about 0400 when I woke up, slinging my legs over the side of the bed and forcing myself to sit up and rub the remaining sleep from my eyes. I'm almost positive that it gets harder to wake up this early in the morning every time, despite having done it my whole life. 

Either way, I forced myself up and stumbled slightly to the refresher to splash cold water on my face. With that done and at least my head slightly cleared, I followed the usual routine of putting on my armor and grabbing my comm before heading down to the hangar. I tried to run through all the things I still needed to do as I made my way down there, but everything was still fuzzy.

I met Mako in the hangar, the men already assembled with Kael standing off to the side by his own squad. I sighed a little internally, still not sure who's side he was on. There was little I could do at the moment, though, so I simply stepped over there.

"Load up, you know the drill," I shouted. It was too early in the morning for formality. 

I walked past them and heard Mako trailing behind me. I paused as the men split into their respective groups, loading into the three dropships. I followed Kael's squad into the third dropship and Mako stepped up beside me. I glanced over at him before pulling my helmet on. He glanced back but said nothing. I could tell he received the silent question, though, and he tapped the blue circle on his shoulder pad, the old indicator used to pick our own spies out of a crowd. I nodded and relaxed a little in the knowledge that Kael was on our side.

The ship's doors closed and I stepped back a little as the floor shuddered beneath my feet. We lifted off as I was still trying to clear the haze of sleep from my mind. I glanced around at the men in pure white armor surrounding me as I waited out the ride. Half of the men in here were new, replacements for the last missions casualties. This time there was less fear of leading them to their death, however. We were simply looking for insurgents, not engaging yet. All I had to do was come up with an easy way to fudge this up and we might never have to engage. 

The ship lurched a little and I carefully kept my footing, bringing myself back to the present. I listened quietly to the hum of the engine as we reached the end of the ride. A moment later the ship settled on a dock and the doors opened again. 

"Exit by unit, keep close," I ordered as I made my way towards the door and stepped out onto the dock. The other two units were landing as we stepped out into the landing bay, assembling by unit. I waited until all were present before stepping back to address them.

"You all know that our goal here is to locate the insurgent and lock them down before they can cause any damage. Squad 90, you have the East quadrant of the town. Squad 89, the West quad. Squads 88 and 87, North and South. Alpha unit, you and lieutenant Mako have the central portion of the city. Do not, I repeat, Do not, engage the enemy if you find them. Report all findings back to me. And remember, no civilian casualties whatsoever. Am I clear?"

They responded with a chorus of "Yes ma'am's". I nodded, waiting a minute to let it all sink in before I continued. "Alright. Report back to the City Hall at 2200. Dismissed," I ordered. 

Slowly, each squad began to move out, each heading to their own quadrant. I looked over at city's chief of security as he walked up and saluted formally. 

"Ma'am, I have been commissioned to escort you to the city hall. We have already set up a communications grid and staff for you," he said. 

I nodded quietly as I looked at him. Internally I took a deep breath. 

"Lead the way."


	9. Eight

The Nar Shadda City Hall was halfway overrun with delinquents, drunks, and other lowlifes, but thankfully the room they had cleared out for our base of operations was quiet and empty. I took a few officers with me as we stepped inside. They had set up listening stations on the far end of the room, a map generator central to the room, and there were other various stations around the room. I glanced at their officers and mine.

"Get started on tapping all communications and listening for anything suspicious," I ordered. "Two of you give me a canvas of the city, making note of any weapons dealers and areas of formerly suspicious activity. I also want a full list of anyone arrested in the last two months with acts of vandalism, terrorism, and anything damaging specifically to Imperial property."

Two of the officers moved quickly off to do that as the others took up their posts and stations. I walked to meet the city officials beside the Map Generator. One of them was a dark-skinned man with sharp green eyes, following my every movement. The other was a short Bothan with the usual tan fur color and a timid look as his fur rippled nervously. The taller dark-skinned man stretched out a hand to me as I approached and I took his hand, greeting him with a firm handshake before clasping both hands formally behind my back.

"Commander, I am Ian Kless, and this is my fellow city official, Deputy Rozak," the Bothan said with a nervous tremor in his voice as he spoke. I nodded a bit and absently wondered what was making the Bothan so timid. Was it my presence, or the idea of insurgents in his city? I couldn't tell, and it seemed improper to ask, so I didn't.

"Pleasure to meet you," I said. "Concerning the insurgents, we are already canvassing the area and I have scout units out looking in the streets. We will find these rebels and we will destroy them," I said, but my own words rang hollowly in my ears. I had already come up with a plan on our ride to the City Hall for warning whatever insurgents might be lurking in the area and giving them a chance to get out, but I couldn't allow anyone else to suspect me.

The Bothan didn't seem to notice my hollow promise, though, and just nodded. "We appreciate the Empire's strong arm stepping in to help us, meek citizens, out," he said. I tried not to blanch at the blatant flattery of the Empire and managed a curt nod.

"Then if you will, allow us to get to work. We will notify you if we need you," I said sharply, imagining he would interpret my cold tone as simply the Empires usual "courtesy". Both nodded and the Bothan shuffled nervously out of the room with his Deputy following him. I sighed quietly, exhaling as they finally stepped out of the room. 

_I forget how much I hate dealing with these "Loyal or Meek Citizens" sometimes,_ I thought to myself as I moved to glance over the shoulder of one of the communications specialists.

"What do you have so far?" I asked. He glanced up at me, pulling off one half of his headset.

"Nothing so far ma'am, just random chatter. Mostly drunks," he said. I nodded and kept my lips pressed into a thin sharp frown. Fewer people questioned you when you looked disagreeable, and right now, I wanted to be the only one asking questions.

I walked back over to the map generator and watched the specialists a moment before I glanced at the map. I saw red marked suspicious movement and yellow for weapons dealers. I could also see my plan in action. From past studies of insurgent city movements, I could make a good guess that they would keep to the edges of town where detection was less likely. If I kept my scouts closer to the inside of the city and made sure to announce our presence wherever we went, there was a good chance we would tip off the insurgents secretly and give them time to get out before they were found. I knew it was a long shot, but it was my best bet for the moment. 

There was no way to get in contact with Vis, and his lack of contact to me seemed to indicate that he didn't know anything about this cell of insurgents anyway, so I was best doing this alone. 

I took a deep breath and glanced around the room, watching everyone worked. Imperials, all with a deep-set hatred of these people who were only fighting for freedom. Fighting to keep their lives. For them, it was all or nothing. And so it had to be for me.


	10. Nine

Two weeks. It seems like a long time until you busy yourself trying to do everything within your power to keep the rebels safe while remaining unsuspected by your superiors. I was surviving, however, and had so far managed to make few investigations into weapon dealers and other lowlifes I knew weren't involved. We'd busted a few crime rings, and honestly, it felt good to clean up the streets without the burden of protocol. 

However, the higher-ups were seeming to grow a bit perturbed with my failure to find these rebels quickly, so I had to do something to get them off my back.

I walked back into our makeshift command center and glanced around. It was somewhere close to 0500 in the morning and I wasn't entirely with it, but I put my best face on as I walked over to the communications specialists. 

"Anything?" I asked, glancing over their shoulders. 

One looked up at me and shook his head. "No ma'am, nothing but random chatter," he said. 

I nodded and turned as I suppressed a yawn, walking back over to the map canvasing the city. For a normal mission we were way behind, but I hadn't been able to figure out if the rebels had made it out of the city or not yet. However, we were running out of time as the 34th Company was supposed to be arriving today to take over operations, so I had to make use of what little time I had left before the real soldiers got here and actually found the rebels. 

"Markson," I called to one of the officers working in the city. I beckoned him over to the map and looked at the pattern of blue and red dots. It seemed that there were some movements in the western section of the city that matched usual Rebel escape routes. 

"Ma'am," he said, saluting before I waved for him to be at ease. He relaxed and looked at the board.

"I want you to contact all the troops and tell them to focus their efforts on the Western quarter of the city. Tell them to check the interior for suspicious activity and patrol the Northwest and Southwest gates," I said.

He watched me curiously for a moment before his dark eyebrows knit together across his tan face and he furrowed his brow a bit. "Ma'am, what about the west gate?" 

I glanced at the map and waved the suggestion off. "They would never be so direct. The rebels are masters of deception, they would try to take the side gates, or would split up and go to both. They think we are dumb, only protecting the strong gates, so they will split off for the weaker exits, no do as I say," I said, letting my tone become sharp at the end to ensure my orders made it through. I was taking a risk here, but I had to. If the rebels were to get out, I had to warn them that we were here, and this would make it look like we were finally taking action, but gave the rebels the best chance of escape. 

I took a deep breath as Markson nodded and walked off to deliver my orders. I forgot sometimes how much lying could take it out of me. Giving orders used to be so simple and easy, but now I had to think through every step and choose the plan that yielded progress without results and make all my orders reflect that. It was exhausting, but I didn't have time for exhaustion. Nor did I have time for things to go wrong. 

I glanced down at my helmet, clipped to my belt, and suddenly started after Markson. I caught him at one of the communications stations before he could transmit anything.

"Officer, also, tell them that I'm joining the search party," I said. It was the safest bet if we were to warn the rebels. 

"Copy that, ma'am," he said. I nodded and waited for him to transmit the message, then I headed back. I slipped out of our room and headed to Deputy Rozak's office. I knocked curtly and his voice called out for me to enter. I stepped into the room and over to his office.

"I'm commandeering one of your speeders to take on the search party. We'll have it back to you by tonight," I said, not allowing for debate. He glanced up and nodded.

"They're all yours," he said, but as I turned I could pick out a hint of contempt in his voice. He hated me. Hated the thing that I stood for. I fought back the urge to whirl around and tell him that I was on his side, that I didn't want these insurgents found. That I wanted to run away and join them, but instead I walked out stiffly and pulled on my helmet as I walked out to their speeder lot and choose a black speeder, slipping into the front and turning it on. I settled my hands on the wheel and pulled out, heading down the streets to the Western Quarter.

When I arrived my men were there waiting for me and I dismounted the speeder, parking it to the side before walking to take charge of the squad.

"I want ten of you to split up and take the gates specified by Officer Markson," I said and watched them split off. 

"The rest of you, form up on me. We're going to find these insurgents," I ordered.

|||||||

It took several hours of searching before we cleared the first section of the Western Quarter. It was well past noon and I assigned everyone to patrol a certain street before falling back to the side myself and calling back to the HQ to check up on communications and the other parts of the Company. No one had found anything so far, and I was still feeling pretty good. I hung up my comm on my belt and leaned back, taking off my helmet for a moment to slick back my hair. After a minute I put my helmet back on, however, and looked over, becoming aware of several armored figures heading my way. It wasn't my patrol squad, however, these men have dark red markings on their armor and their Captain headed them off. I stiffened.

 _The 34th._

I didn't have time to think through more than that before the Captain approached me, stiffening and offering a salute. I offered it back and we both relaxed.

"Commander Hotshot, my name is Captain Regal Harrissar of the 34th Battalion of the Imperial Army. I'm here to take over this investigation by order of the Admiral Retf and Grand Moff Tarkin," he said. I sighed inwardly and nodded.

"Copy that. I will recall my men and return to the cruiser. I hope you have a better time finding them than me," I said, keeping emotion far from my voice. He nodded curtly and I picked up my comm, recalling my men. 

They returned after a minute and we were taken by a procession of speeders back to the landing pad. The rest of the company met us there and I ordered them back onto the ships. There was a sort of defeated feeling hanging in the air as we all stood silent, riding back to the cruiser. I knew they could feel it. They probably knew why we were being replaced, and I imagined they felt as I did. Not good enough. Only I knew that only Kael and Mako knew the true meaning of my feeling. I hadn't confirmed that I'd been able to warn off the rebels. They could still be out there trapped, like womp rats, waiting for the 34th to find and exterminate them. 

I found myself looking down at the floor and raised my head a little as we settled back into the cruiser bay. The doors opened and I filled out after my men, stiffening to retain my pride, but I could hardly keep from allowing my shoulders to slump in exhausted defeat. Only then did I see Retf, standing on the other side of the hangar, waiting for me with his usual hard scrutinizing glare. 

I didn't want to humor him today, I wanted to walk past him to my quarters and just lay down and get some sleep. But no such luxury was available to someone of my repute and rank. 

"Admiral," I said dryly, walking up to him, halting a few feet away. 

"Commander," he said, his voice holding almost as much contempt for me as I felt for him. "You are to report to my office tomorrow morning. This cruiser is under investigation," he said.

I felt my chest clench a little at those words but kept a calm facade as I nodded. "For what, may I ask?" I asked, a sick feeling entering my stomach as I did so. His face remained calm, but I could see in his eyes the distrust, the contempt, and the tiny hint of victory as he answered me.

"For traitors."


	11. Ten

_An investigation for treasonous operatives within the Empire._

The words made me shudder some as I stood with my elbows resting on the edge of the sink, staring at myself in the mirror. My eyes were bloodshot, the dark circles around them more noticeable than before. Even I had to admit that I looked terrible. 

I didn't know if they were onto me, or Mako, or any of the other operatives that Mako had managed to recruit to help Vis. If they found any one of us, though, I was the only person I could trust not to say anything. I almost wanted to turn myself in, just to protect the others. But I couldn't. If I gave myself up that would only lead them to the others, due to my contact with them. I had to lay low, and just hope that somehow we got would get out of this alive. 

I closed my eyes and rested my head in my hands, tangling my fingers in my loose hair for a moment before I picked my head up and straightened up. There was no time for moping around, I was due to speak with the operative that they had sent over to investigate us all.

Walking out of the refresher and back into my room, I grabbed my uniform shirt and worked it on over my tank top, brushing it down flat and adjusting the rank pin before I sat down and grabbed my boots. I exhaled nervously as I pulled them on, though, wondering how thoroughly they would investigate. They'd already gone through all of our comms, datapads, and terminals. I had managed to wipe mine the day before they arrived, but there was no telling what kind of access they had. 

I zipped up the second boot and stood up, grabbing my officers cap. All rank privileges had been suspended until the traitor was discovered, which meant I had as much access to the details of the investigation as a common crew member, but that didn't mean I had to give up my rank entirely. I was still the commander, and that held a little bit of gravity. 

I pulled my hair into a ponytail for the sake of time and settled the cap on properly before casting a glance at my appearance in the mirror. It was perfect, hopefully not too perfect, but then again, weren't we all guilty of something under our crisp uniforms and pristine appearance? 

I turned to the door and stepped out into the hall, folding my hands behind my back as I walked down to the briefing room. For the time being, it had been converted into an interrogation room. There was some off objection for the Empire's own officers and members being interrogated in the dank cells that common criminals were questioned in. 

At the door, I was met by two burly guards, both in black painted armor with blasters held at the ready. One of them cast a casual glance at me and I inclined my head sharply, gazing back through his helmet visor with a sharp glare.

"Name and business," he snapped. 

Cooly, I answered him. "Stormtrooper Commander Hotshot, appearing for questioning."

He nodded and the other guard keyed the door, allowing me entrance. I stepped through, keeping my head inclined silently. I had discovered that the best method to commanding any room, was to enter as it as if you already did. 

"Commander," one of the agents in a black uniform and soft shell armor over it. He had set his officers cap aside and gave me a slightly annoyed glance. I ignored it as I walked over.

"Reporting for questioning," I told him. He nodded with a tired look and gestured to one of the half skewed chairs.

"Have a seat then," he said. I obeyed, sitting down. He sat down across from me, waving to the collection of other guards and investigators milling about the room, reviewing what looked like notes.

"All of you, go back to the conference room," he ordered. They quickly obeyed, filing off into another room as the man leaned forward. As I looked at him I could see the dark circles of exhaustion under his dark brown eyes and for a moment I felt a bit of understanding, but I dared not show it.

"So, you're the Stormtrooper Commander in charge of this section?" he asked, glancing down at his datapad, which I guessed contained my files and records. "Formerly Senior Clone Trooper Commander?" he asked.

I nodded. "Correct."

"Are any of your former soldiers or anyone else formerly under your command still under your command?" he asked.

I nodded. "Lieutenant Mako, and Private Kael," I said. 

He nodded. "What connection do you have to the search for Rebel's on Nar Shadda?" he asked. I pressed my lips into a tight line suddenly, tensing a little at the question.

"I was the original commanding officer on that mission," I said tightly. He nodded, his gaze directed down at the datapad. I sighed internally. For an investigator, he was doing a terrible job.

"And you were replaced, correct?" 

"Yes," I said with a curt nod. 

"By the 34th Battalion, correct?"

"Yes," I answered.

"And are you aware of the nature of your replacement?" He asked, finally looking up at me. 

I kept my composure as I answered, but couldn't keep a note of annoyance from my voice. "Yes. We were replaced because we did not discover the rebels in a timely manner. They wanted faster results."

He nodded and glanced at the datapad before looking suspiciously back up at me. "And are you aware that the 34th Battalion discovered the rebels hiding out in a basement only days after you were replaced?" 

I could sense the note that was supposed to strike because I felt the pang of fear that struck in my heart, but I dared not let it show and kept my face blank. "I was not aware, but I'm glad to hear the mission was a success," I said.

He nodded, his eyes betraying the fact that he was beginning to trust me more. I allowed myself an internal smile at having passed the first test of my loyalty. 

"May I inquire as to what took you so long to discover the rebels that the 34th seemed to have no trouble finding," he asked suddenly, a malicious look reentering his eyes for a moment.

The question caught me off-guard, but I forced myself not to react and pursed my lips, hoping he would believe I was thinking rather than struggling to compose myself before answering.

"Perhaps their Commander was simply better than I was," I said, though not without a note of sore defeat. I hated admitting my failures as much as the next person. My pride is often my own downfall, but it seemed convincing enough for him as he nodded and the malicious suspicion faded again from his eyes and he turned off the datapad.

"Thank you for your time, Commander. I'm sure you are a busy woman, and I would hate to keep you too long. I will submit your answers to my fellow investigators for review. If you have any questions about the investigation you're welcome to ask them now or wait until the investigation has been concluded," he said, standing.

I stood as well and nodded. "I do have one question. What exactly prompted this investigation?" I asked. He smirked a bit.

"They all want to know that. I can't give you all the details, but I will tell you that it has to do with your last mission," he said. I nodded.

"Thank you. If you need me to answer more questions, I'll be here," I said. He nodded and I turned, inclining my head slightly again as I walked out of the room. I exhaled softly once I was out of sight of the guards and the door, however, and relaxed my posture some, walking to the bridge to check on things from there. I couldn't help feeling a deep-set worry, however. Things had seemed to go well, but I wouldn't know until they were done. Here was hoping that I'd passed their tests.


	12. Eleven

Looking up as the door chime chirped I got up and called for my visitor to enter. Make stepped through the door, looking almost as tired as I did. For the past three days, it had been nothing but interrogations. This morning they had finally started investigating rooms and online activity. I assumed Mako had been up half the night ensuring his terminal was clear of incriminating files like I had.

"You should get some sleep," I said, silently allowing my eyes to betray what we were both thinking.

_They're too close for comfort. We need to get out--_

I could see the rest of the thought in Mako's eyes, though, as he stiffened some. 

_\--But we can't._

I sighed a little and sat back down on my bed, letting him walk over and sit beside me.

"You could use some sleep yourself," he said, his eyes serious. I gazed at him for a moment, then looked down at my boots.

"I can't sleep knowing there are traitors on the ship. You know that," I lied. 

He knew I was lying, and I know it too. But we couldn't be sure if they were listening to us, and if they were, how closely, so lies would have to suffice for now. 

"Me either," he agreed. I nodded and exhaled softly.

"Hopefully they'll either catch the traitor or this whole thing will blow over soon," I said, knowing it was only partly a lie. I didn't want them to find us, or any member of our little infiltration ring, but I most certainly wished they would all give up and leave soon.

"I agree, but this is what we have to live with for now," he said and sat up a little straighter. I looked up at him, watching as he stretched his arms in front of him, then leaned back against the wall, slouching down. He settled his hands in his lap, staring at nothing in particular.

"Why'd you really come down here?" I asked, curious. His hazel eyes moved to me and studied my tired face for a moment before he answered.

"To be honest, I was going to ask if they had made any real progress in their investigation, but based on this morning's events I guess they haven't," he said. "That and I was going to request to go on leave."

I felt the spark of something forgotten inside my head and cursed under my breath. "I'm sorry, I entirely forgot that you were supposed to be on leave after Nar Shadda," I said. 

He waved it off casually. "It's not your fault. They probably won't let any of us go until after this whole thing is cleared up, but because of that, I wanted to request that you put in new papers. I already submitted mine and I'm approved to go in a week, but they need your signature," he said. 

I nodded, looking back down at my boots, shifting my feet absently across the floor. "Yeah, I can do that. Do you think they'll still be here in a week?" 

"I don't know, but I certainly hope things are cleared up before then," he said. 

I nodded. "I'll be sure to add a note that you're taking leave whenever the investigation is over, or in a week, whichever comes first."

"--Barring any special request from the higher authorities," he added as I finished speaking. I nodded a little but had little intention of adding that part in there. I didn't really care what they said, he was getting leave whether this mess was over or not.

"I wish I could come with you," I said, looking back up at him again. He smiled.

"Yeah, yeah. You don't wanna come with me, you just wanna see your niece," he said. I grinned with a childish look of guilt.

"You know me too well."

He laughed quietly an shook his head. "Well, I am the older brother."

I just smiled. 

After a minute, Mako stood to go and I got up to let him out. We walked to the door and I waved to him as he stepped into the hall. "Don't forget, we have a meeting with Retf in an hour," I called. He nodded and waved back before disappearing down the hall. 

I walked back across my room and picked up my comm, sitting back down on my bed. My fingers ached to type in the familiar number that would lead me to Vis, but it was too dangerous. We had to hold out a little longer and minimize the risks we took. This was almost over, I could feel it. I just hoped the end of the investigation didn't mean the end for us too.

 

An hour later, after completing the usual routine of dressing in my officers uniform and ensuring every thread was in its proper place, I headed out of my room and down to the conference room. The interrogation equipment had finally been moved out into a smaller room now that the ship-wide interrogations were over. I reached the conference room before Retf and Mako did, so I stood beside the table waiting. Neither of us had any clue what Retf wanted with us. For all I knew, he could be sending us to our deaths, but we wouldn't know until he got there.

Mako arrived a few minutes later, also dressed up in his proper uniform, his officer's cap settled cockeyed over his head as mine was. He came to stand beside me, murmuring a question.

"Anyone tell you what this is about?" he asked. I shook my head just as the door chirped and slid open again. This time, Retf stepped stiffly into the room. Mako stiffened to attention beside me and I reluctantly followed suit, though I did not allow my face to mask the deep contempt Retf already knew I felt for him. The feeling was mutual between the two of us, and he said nothing as he waved for us to stand at ease. I relaxed some and stepped forward.

"You called us to meet here, Admiral?" I asked cooly. 

He stared over his hawk-like nose down at me, his sharp eyes seeming to search for a way into my head. I already knew he wouldn't find one and after a moment he simply locked his gaze on me.

"Yes, I did. Diplomatic business," he said. "You both have been cleared of all suspicions. The identity of the traitor has been determined, though he has seemingly disappeared from the ship. We will find him, but since you two apparently proved key to figuring out his identity, you will accompany me to Alderaan to meet with the council. They wish to honor you for aiding in this vital investigation," he said.

I couldn't help but stare at him for a moment. Who had they found and how in the force had we helped? It was all I could think for a moment and my face remained blank until I finally nodded, controlling myself. 

"Yes, Admiral," I answered blankly and glanced at Mako. He nodded, repeating my answer as Retf walked towards the table and away from us for a moment.

"The council does not meet until tomorrow afternoon. We are on course to Alderaan right now, but we will leave tomorrow morning in my personal transport so the investigators and continue to search the ship for our missing traitor. We leave at 0800 sharp," he said.

I nodded curtly, but my mind was still racing. How had we been cleared so quickly and who was this traitor? I considered asking, but I didn't trust myself not to betray some incriminating movement or detail at the moment, so I kept my mouth shut. After a moment Retf glanced back at the two of us sharply.

"That is all. You're both dismissed," he said. I stiffened under his glance and pressed my lips into a thin line, but nodded and started for the door. Mako paused behind me, though, and looked at Retf with a blankly loyal expression.

"May I inquire, Admiral, of the identity of the traitor?" he asked in the cold impersonal tone of a loyal soldier. 

Retf looked back at him, his glance less sharp than normal, and I honestly thought I saw a hint of a malicious smile tugging at his lips.

"Yes, Lieutenant, you may." 

Mako nodded. "Then, Admiral, who was it?" 

Retf's face didn't change, though, I thought I saw something like a victorious gleam in his eyes as he answered.

"Rookie Private Kael."


	13. Twelve

The whole night I laid awake, staring at my comm. I didn't know what I was waiting for. Maybe I was expecting Kael to call me, or Mako to call and say that we needed to help Kael. Maybe I was waiting for Vis, just to hear the comfort of his voice. Or maybe I was waiting for Retf to call and say that they knew who I really was. Whatever reason, I waited by my comm for the rest of the night.

When morning came I jerked out of a light doze at the soft chirping of my comm and grabbed it up hastily, nearly dropping it as I fumbled for the button. My fingers finally found it and I tapped the comm to let the call through, tensing as I waited to hear who was calling and what they had to say. Only nothing came over the line, and I suddenly realized it was my alarm going off. I dropped the comm back beside me on my bed and rubbed my face.

 _That's what you get for sitting awake all night,_ I reminded myself as I dropped my head into my hands, yawning.

I had no time to waste, however, so I sucked in a deep breath and exhaled before standing up. The thought of Kael hiding out somewhere on the ship while me and Mako, possibly his only backup, were about to head off to Alderaan briefly crossed my mind but I swatted it away. Kael wasn't a rookie anymore, despite what the Empire labeled him. I'd seen him fight through the Clone Wars, and if he could survive that hell, he could get off this ship alive.

Walking to the refresher I went through my daily routine of washing my face, putting my hair up and ensuring that I didn't look like I'd been awake all night before I came back into my room and slowly got dressed. According to the chrono it was only 0720 which left me ten minutes to get ready and twenty minutes to eat before I needed to meet Mako and Retf in the hangar bay.

I pulled on my boots hastily and hesitated, considering swapping out my regular officer's jacket for my dress jacket, which would have my medals already pinned to the front. We were supposed to be meeting with the council. I stood there and considered it for a moment before I finished zipping up my regular officer's jacket and simply grabbed my dress jacket, stuffing it into a duffel bag along with a change of clothes and my blaster.

Once I was packed and dressed, I dimmed the lights in my room and headed out into the hall, walking briskly to the mess hall. Thinking back on it, I should have simply ordered a meal to save the time and hassle, but I was already halfway there so I made the trip and slipped into line behind a few of the late-rising officers. I grabbed a tray and picked up a bowl of something that looked like soupy oatmeal and a couple of fruits before heading to the back to eat. Looking up, I saw Mako head in as well and a minute later he joined me.

"Morning," he said, his usual tone dulled by exhaustion.

"Morning," I answered, stirring the contents of the bowl absently before forking a bit of the fruit into my mouth. It was actually decent for once, far better than the stale stuff they served earlier in the morning.

"Did you sleep at all last night?" Mako questioned after a minute, his voice quiet but not low. It wasn't the sort of question that would get us incriminated, so long as the response was right.

"No," I answered honestly. "You?"

Mako shook his head. "No. I just...I can't believe it was him. After all these years, I would've thought he'd be loyal," he added. I nodded, figuring he was just as worried as I was.

Both of us finished eating and cleared the table of our trays and trash, tossing it all as we headed out of the mess hall. The hangar was just one level down, so I followed Mako to the lift. We both remained silent on the short ride down and said nothing as we exited the lift into the hangar bay where Retf was already waiting for us beside what looked like his State Ship, a sleek Corvette primed and ready to leave. I hauled the strap of my duffel back over my shoulder and inclined my head a little as we walked up, trying to banish any signs of exhaustion from my posture and face.

"Morning," Retf greeted us stiffly. I simply nodded and glanced absently at the time. We had five minutes.

"You didn't bring anything...nicer?" Retf suddenly asked and I looked back up to see he was carefully scrutinizing my wardrobe choice. I fought back the sudden urge to snap something sarcastic back at him and gestured to the duffel bag.

"I brought nicer clothing with me. No sense in wrinkling it on the trip down there," I said coldly. Retf rolled his eyes a little and glanced at Mako.

"Women," he commented with an air of exasperation. Mako returned the comment with a formal nod, maintaining a disinterested look. Retf ignored him after that and glancing at the time gestured to the ship.

"I believe it is time for us to go," he said. I nodded and followed him up the short ramp into the finely furnished ship. Mako trailed after me and out of the corner of my eye, I caught him glancing around in a slight sense of awe as we walked around the corridor to the cockpit. When we reached it Retf stood aside and let us enter.

"I do hope you won't mind, but I didn't bring a pilot. Lieutenant, you piloting record precedes you and I was hoping you wouldn't mind taking us down to the planet," he said. I narrowed my gaze slightly, finding the request odd, but I said nothing. Everything about Retf was in some way or another off, so I didn't know why I expected this to be normal.

"Of course not," Mako said quietly and nodded as he stepped to the pilot's chair and sat down. "Commander, you mind copiloting?" he called back. I shrugged and moved to take the co-pilot's seat.

"Why not," I said and glanced back at Retf as he turned to leave. He didn't look back but left the cockpit, heading to some stately cabin I imagined. I looked back once the doors closed and glanced at Mako.

"If you don't mind, closing the ramp," he said, not returning my glance as he started the pre-flight check. The engines were already primed, but he went through with the check anyway. I looked over the control board and toggled the key to the ramp, watching the blinking red light beside it until it turned green.

"Ramp is closed," I reported. Mako nodded and finished the pre-flight check before double-checking the engines. I watched him as he reached over and started the thrusters, then tapped the comm to the ship's control tower.

"Control, this is Lieutenant Mako with Admiral Retf in the State Ship," he called. There was a brief pause of static before a reply came.

"Lieutenant, this is control. You are cleared to lift off."

"Thank you," Mako said and keyed the comm off, taking ahold of the control's, pulling the ship slowly off the ground and maneuvering it out of the hangar bay. Once we were clear of the ship's hangar bay, Mako turned the ship to face the planet. I watched the instruments carefully and gave him a silent thumbs up once we were in position.

"Good to go?" Mako asked.

"Good to go," I answered. He nodded and I looked up as he pressed the control's forward and we were on our course of the planet.

\-----

"Any luck on getting my leave situated?" Mako asked, looking over.

I looked up at him with his arms crossed behind his head, both feet propped up on the console. I got up and swatted his leg.

"Get your feet off of there, it's not our ship. And yet, I got you leave for next week," I said. He nodded, grinning a little but removing his feet from the console.

"It might not be ours but it's not like I'm gonna break it," he said. I rolled my eyes and sat back down.

"You might scuff it up," I retorted.

He laughed a little and sat up. "You get mean when you're tired."

I narrowed my eyes at him. "So what?"

With a slight shrug he leaned forward to check the controls and answered, "Nothing, I'm just making an observation."

I rolled my eyes and watched him adjust our course a bit before sitting back with his arms folded behind his head again.

"Have you called Koya to tell her you're heading home soon, yet?" I asked, cocking my head a little.

Mako looked over and shook his head. "No, I haven't. Mainly because I didn't know exactly when I'd be home yet, and I wanted to surprise her. Lani's birthday is in a few days, I figured it would be nice to give her a birthday surprise," he said.

I smiled a little, thinking of how Lani's face would light up when she got to see Mako home on her birthday for once. "That will be a nice surprise," I said, nodding in silent approval.

"I certainly hope so," he said. "Plus, I missed last year's birthday, so I've gotta make up for it somehow."

"Well, I'd say a surprise homecoming would indeed make up for it," I agreed. Mako nodded.

I glanced at the console to see how close we were to the planet and got up. "Hey, I'm gonna go find the refresher and change into my dress uniform," I said, grabbing my duffel bag. "Think you can survive without a co-pilot for a few?" I quipped with a smile.

Mako shot me a playfully annoyed look. "Yeah, maybe just for a few seconds," he added sarcastically. I grinned and headed out of the cockpit down to the cabin, poking my head in there.

"Admiral?" I asked, looking around. I didn't see Retf, though, so I headed off to find the refresher on my own. Thankfully it was only a little way down the corridor. I stepped in and set my duffel bag on the floor, quickly swapping out jackets and double-checking to make sure I looked presentable before I stuffed the regular jacket in my bag, zipped it up and stepped back into the hall.

I headed back to the cockpit, but as I walked something like an unsettling feeling made its way to the pit of my stomach and I looked around. The ship was quiet, eerily quiet. I frowned and picked up the pace a little, heading quickly back to the cockpit.

When I arrived I keyed the door quickly, stepping through, feeling oddly nervous. I stepped inside and looked around for Mako, then stopped dead in my tracks.

"Don't move," Retf suddenly snapped. I froze, looking from Retf to Mako, then to the blaster, Retf had pressed to the back of Mako's head. I felt my blood run cold and I was pretty sure my face turned white at that same moment.

"S-Sir?" I stammered, fear gripping me. Retf's eyes narrowed some as he sneered at me.

"Of drop the act, both of you. I know it wasn't just that scumbag rookie. You two were in on it the whole time. You're the traitors," he snapped.

I stared at him for a moment, not sure if I should make a grab for the blaster in my duffel bag or simply deny what he was saying. Retf seemed not to pick up on my internal struggle, though, and simply kept talking.

"I know it was you two. Who else would have the ability to sabotage the battalions every mission, and the rank to evade the suspicion of any investigators? They may not have seen it, but I did. I always knew you were trouble," he snapped.

My gaze turned again to the blaster he had pressed to Mako's head and I tried to catch Mako's eye, but he was turned away from me. I bit my lower lip, then stiffened a little, my gaze hard.

Retf looked me dead in the eyes at the same moment I heard the proximity alarm start to go off. For a moment, it didn't register, then I realized what was going on. There was never any council meeting, there was never any recognition, just a bare strip of land for us to crash headlong into. Of course, Retf would get out alive, somehow, but there was never any intent for me and Mako to make it to the planet.

"You're right," I suddenly said, meeting Retf's gaze with a hard look. "I am a traitor. I was one all along, but Mako isn't. He knows nothing, I simply used his loyalty to me to carry out my plans," I said. "He's just a pawn."

There was a slight shift in Retf's expression and I glanced at the weapon, hoping he would at least move it away from Mako's head so that the lieutenant wasn't in danger. Retf didn't move, though, and his face hardened cold again. I looked quickly back to his face, trying to hide the gnawing fear that was coursing through my body. Apparently, I didn't hide it well enough.

"Of course, I should have known," Retf said, his lips curling into a mocking smile as he spoke. I felt my stomach drop slightly, knowing something was wrong.

"Of course you're the only one. Because you put everything together in the plan of a few weeks. You planned your whole deception, your escape, your meeting point. Everything. Alone," he said.

I hesitated, not knowing what he was talking about. There had never been an escape plan, and there had never been a meet point. Or at least, not one that I had known about. Then again, I wasn't in charge. I never had been.

I forced myself not to look at Mako for confirmation, but I already knew it was true. There had been a backup plan, an emergency escape, only Mako had planned it and not me. I couldn't let Retf know that, though.

"Yes," I lied firmly. "A good tactician doesn't need a lot of time."

Retf chuckled lowly. "You're right. A good tactician doesn't. You're good, I'll admit it, Commander. Very good. But, you're not fooling anyone. We all know you were never in charge."

Without hesitation, Retf pulled the trigger.

I froze a moment before the shock and anger rushed through me and my eyes widened. I dropped the duffel bag and started forward, but it was too late as Mako recoiled and slumped forward. I skidded to a halt beside him and grabbed him before he could fall from the chair, but as he collapsed limply into my arms I knew there was nothing to be done.

"You monster!" I screamed in the heat of anger, starting up after Retf, ready to strangle him, but before I could make a step I felt searing hot pain tear through my body and I collapsed, gasping.

"No, Commander. I was never a monster," Retf stated calming, standing, gloating with the same wicked sneer plastered on his face. "I'm just a loyal soldier, trying to win a war."

Looking up blearily through the haze of pain, I tried to rise to my hands and knees but only collapsed back, watching through faded vision as Retf turned and walked out of the cockpit. Screaming, reached after him, gritting my teeth, but there was nothing to be done as he closed the door to the cockpit.

After my own screaming faded, I became aware of the sound of an alarm wailing, warning us to pull up. I ignored it and bit down hard, dragging myself up. My gaze turned to Mako, slumped on the floor and I dragged myself over to him, sitting with my back to the console as I pulled his body into my arms.

"Mako?" I whispered thinly, looking at his placid face, wanting him to open his eyes. He didn't, though, and I closed my eyes, holding his head in my lap, no longer caring about the blood staining my hands. I knew he was gone, but I didn't want to believe it, clinging to him as I felt tears starting down my cheeks.

"Please...open your eyes..." My voice was failing, giving into sobbing as I clutched him close. "Please..."

There was a stabbing pain in my chest, a knot that wouldn't unravel no matter how many tears made their way down my cheeks, and I sat there, clinging to his body, deaf to the alarms and sirens around me. I didn't care about making it out, I just wanted him to open his eyes again.

I broke down sobbing, curled halfway against the console, my bloody hands clutching him as close as I could when I felt the ship shudder slightly and I cracked my eyes open some. I pushed myself up enough to look out the viewport to see the planet filling the windows. Only then did I hear the alarms and klaxons screaming in my ears. It was too late. I sank back down, curling up beside Mako's body. I screwed my eyes shut and grabbed at his shirt, clinging to him. My head was spinning and I could feel tremors running through the ship, but I didn't let go of Mako. I heard a screech like tearing metal as the alarms all went silent and I pressed myself into a tight ball. Then everything went black.


	14. Thirteen

A haze of smoke and dust hit my eyes the minute I cracked them open. To be honest, I didn't think I would ever open them again, but I was wrong.

After blinking furiously for a moment or two, trying to clear my vision, I became vaguely aware of two throbbing pains, one in my side where I'd been shot, and one in my thigh. I cautiously tried to move and found myself pinned under the console, which appeared to have protected me from the major impact that would otherwise have pulverized me. Mako's body was crumpled on top of me and I managed to push him off to the side, silently asking for his forgiveness as I unceremoniously shoved his body to the side so I could get out. The minute I moved his body, though, I saw the source of the pain in my leg.

One of the structure supports from the floor had been torn up and on impact, impaled my leg, just above the knee. It hurt like hell, and it looked even worse. I gritted my teeth a little, though, knowing that I had little choice but to pull it out if I wanted to get out of here.

Gripping my injured side loosely, I managed to raise myself onto one arm, propped against the bottom of the console as the ship seemed to be driven headfirst into the ground. I didn't know how solid it was, so I moved slowly, but it seemed to be holding up at least under my weight.

I got myself half propped up with my back against the console and reached down towards my leg, trying to figure out if the support was still attached to the floor or if it was just a loose piece. After careful, and painful, examination, I determined it was a loose piece, which meant I could pull it out of my leg easily. That at least was a bit of comfort.

 _I'll bleed out the minute I pull it loose, though,_ I thought silently, trying to remember how exactly that worked from all the medical seminars I'd been too.

_If I can tie it off quickly, maybe I won't bleed out before help arrives..._

I considered the thought and quickly began looking around for something to tie the wound off with. If I remember correctly, the minute I dislodged that support piece, I would also lose the only thing stopping the blood flow and I would bleed out pretty quickly. If I left it in, though, I wouldn't be able to move my leg, and there was a greater chance of infection. I'd have to pull it out, but I needed something else to stop the blood.

There were no bandages readily available nor a first aid kit, but my duffel back had landed not too far from where I was. I managed to stretch my arm carefully under a few twisted metal beams and snag the strap to it, pulling it over to me. Hastily I unzipped the top, my hands trembling slightly as I began to sort through the clothes, looking for something light enough to tear but thick enough to absorb blood. I found one of my regular shirts after a minute and quickly tossed the bag aside, beginning to feel slightly warm as I tried to control my tremblings hands. I knew I'd already lost a good amount of blood from the blaster shot wound, but I had to focus or else I was going to pass out and die here.

Finally, I got a loose seam to tear and I ripped the shirt into thick strips of fabric, laying a few across my calf so they would be ready to apply the minute I pulled the support piece out. Then I looked to the support itself.

It was lodged pretty firmly in my leg, and I had a feeling it might be lodged in the bone, but I didn't have any other choice. I swallowed back a wave of nausea, and gripped the metal fragment with both hands, gritting my teeth tight as I began to pull it out. Pain immediately shot through my leg and I fought back a scream as I began to extract it. Then it came loose all of a sudden and I dropped it quickly, grabbing shakily at the makeshift bandages on my calf.

I got ahold of one and began to hastily tie it tourniquet style around the wound, blood already gushing from the wound and covering my leg and hands. I got one, then two strips of fabric tied firmly around the wound and then slumped back, allowing myself a quiet moan. I tried to wipe some of the sweat from my forehead but I only felt blood smear across my face as I closed my eyes. Quickly, I forced my eyes open again, though, and struggled to sit back up.

"I have to get out of here," I reminded myself aloud. I had to get out and get help.

I looked at the last piece of fabric laying across my calf, still unused, and then picked it up and lifted my shirt to inspect the damage from the blaster wound. It looked like he had caught me squarely under the ribs, but the heat had half cauterized the wound and it wasn't bleeding much. Even so, I wrapped the remaining fabric around it just in case and pulled my shirt down over it, then I looked up at the console.

Wincing, I reached up and grabbed the edge, managing to haul myself up onto my knees to look over the console out of the viewport. All I could see was dirt, though. The ship had plowed firmly into the ground. I'd have to get to the top of the ship to get out.

I looked back at the cockpit door and saw it was partially torn off, allowing spots of sunlight through. That had to be my exit.

I glanced around the cockpit, trying to figure a way to get up there without falling when my eyes landed on Mako's body, still lying against the console.

 _I can't leave him here. He deserves better,_ I told myself and lowered myself back down, carefully managing to crawl over and haul his body up onto my shoulders. He was dead weight, but at the moment, I could care less.

 _He saved my life and countless others. He died for me. He deserves proper recognition,_ I thought firmly as I glanced back up at the cockpit door, still pointed skyward. Grabbing the back of one of the chairs that were still secured to the floor, I crawled onto the back of it, crouching low to keep steady, then I reached and grabbed a support still secured to the floor, hauling myself up carefully towards the door. I made it to a small ledge where a panel from the wall had torn off, then managed to shove the door to the cockpit off the top and crawl through onto what was now the top of the ship. I sat there on the edge for a minute, dropping Mako's body beside me as I viewed the wreckage.

The ship seemed to have torn in half on impact and the back half was mainly undamaged. The front of the cockpit had been driven solidly into the ground and if it hadn't been for the sturdy design of the ship, it would've folded in on itself, crushing me entirely.

I breathed out softly, the full weight of what I had just escaped finally setting in like an ominous shadow that had just passed by.

_I should be dead._

I shivered a little, a chill running down my spine, then winced at the pain in my side and looked back at Mako's limp body. I grabbed his arm and hauled the body back over my shoulders, managing to get down off the ship without much trouble, though without much grace either.

When I reached the bottom I laid Mako back down to catch my breath and find something to make a crutch out of. My right leg, the injured leg, was pretty much useless, but I managed to find a broken off pipe from the exterior and fashion it into a makeshift crutch for the moment. Able to stand now, I shaded my eyes to the sunlight and looked around.

There was a faint outline of the city not far off, but I appeared to have crashed into an abandoned field, no homes or people in sight. I sighed softly. If we were alone, there was little chance of anyone finding me soon, and little chance that I could make it far enough to get help.

 _Doesn't mean I can't try,_ I reminded myself but didn't move for a moment. When I finally did, I limped over to Mako's body and dropped the crutch, sinking down to my knees. I reached over and brushed his hair back from his face, trying not to look at the seared hole on his forehead.

"I'm sorry...I couldn't save you..." I whispered, looking down as I felt tears welling up in my eyes. I didn't stop them, just sat there and closed my eyes, allowing myself a moment of tearful silence before I finally pulled my hand back and grabbed the crutch. I couldn't save him, but I could honor him.

I made it to my feet again and found something I could dig with, making it a few yards away from the crash site to what looked like a gentle hill. I sank back down onto my knees, grabbing the makeshift shovel and drove it into the soft dirt. I sat there for close to an hour, digging, not caring about the heat, the time, or anything else. I couldn't leave him to be disgraced or forgotten.

When the shallow grave was finally dug, I made it back to my feet and retreated to get his body, carrying it silently to the grave. I tried to be as careful and ceremonious as possible, but with my injured state, I was forced to resort to less ceremonious measures to get him to the hill. When I got there, though, I was careful about laying his body in the grave, looking down quietly on the scene for a brief mournful moment.

"You were the best sergeant, the greatest comrade, a skilled soldier, and a trusted friend. But most of all...you were the best older brother I could have ever asked for," I whispered softly, bowing my head a moment. Then I grabbed the shovel and filled the grave in, trying not to look at his face as I covered his body. I dropped the shovel when I was done and sank back down to my knees, giving into the silent tears that I'd been holding back for nearly an hour. I sat there and let myself sob, not caring about my own state, just remembering all that he had ever done for me, for anyone.

Eventually, the tears dried, though, and I got back up, picking up the crutch and limping carefully to the top of the hill, looking down at the crashed ship, at the silent grave, everything.

 _"Nu kyr'adyc, shi taab'echaaj'la,"_ I murmured in quiet reverence.

Not gone. Merely marching far away.


	15. Fourteen

Once I'd finished burying Mako, I somehow managed to make it back to the ship. Judging by the state of my bandages, I could tell I'd lost a lot more blood, and I imagined I would eventually pass out if I kept pressing myself to keep going like this. I knew I had to stop, but I also needed help.

I looked to my belt for my comm but it was gone, probably somewhere in the mangled ship. I had no communication unless I could somehow get back into the ship. Looking at it, though, the task seemed more dangerous than sitting down and waiting for help to arrive. 

Except for one thing. 

Part of the viewport wasn't hidden underneath mounds of earth, and the plexiglass was also shattered, offering a tiny window into the cockpit. I glanced at the crutches, knowing I'd have to ditch them for a bit, but it seemed worth a try. It was a better idea than bleeding to death. 

I made it over to the viewport and dropped the crutches, managing to crawl up to the small entrance and worm my way through that. I crawled over the console once inside and looked around for my comm. I didn't see it, though, and it was tiny enough that it could be anywhere. Who knew if it had even survived the crash.

I sighed a little, realizing I'd probably just wasted my time and overexerted myself for absolutely no reason at all. I turned back to the small entrance to slip out when I heard something buzzing. Not just anything either. The telltale buzz of a comm going off. 

I looked around for the source and finally spotted the blinking blue light near where I had been originally. I quickly reached down and grabbed it before returning to my spot on top of the console and I looked at the comm code coming across. I didn't want to answer if it was someone checking to see if there were survivors, or Retf himself. 

It wasn't however. I knew the comm code coming across. There was no way I wouldn't recognize it. 

Quickly I admitted the transmission, holding the comm close. "Kael?"

There was a pause of static and he answered. "Right here, Commander. I heard they were looking for me and managed to get out before they caught me. I'm heading to Alderran, where are you?"

"Already here," I answered. "Retf got onto us, he shot Mako and crashed the ship. I'm injured, but I'll survive as long as I get medical help soon," I breathed, relieved that someone I could trust was on their way.

"You stay there then. I'll call someone to pick you up and get you help...I'm sorry about Mako."

I shook my head some and glanced slightly at the wall as if I could see outside to the hill where his grave was. "It's not your fault, Kael. Don't worry about it," I said quietly.

"Yes ma'am," he responded. 

"I'll be outside the ship. The large one, torn all the shreds in the middle of a field, you can't miss it," I said, starting to feel a bit tired. Lethargy was starting to set in, but I knew I needed to get out first.

"Got it. We'll come get you," he said.

"Thank you," I said quietly and he ended the call. 

I clipped the comm to my belt and managed to get out of the ship the way I came in, settling myself at the bottom of the dirt mount holding up the front of the ship. It was out of the sun and much cooler, plus I would be hidden from immediate sight, giving me the advantage if anyone tried to attack. 

Leaning back slightly, I looked up at the mass of wrecked ship above me, laying my head back on the mound of dirt. Eventually, I closed my eyes and exhaled softly. 

_Help is on the way,_ I told myself quietly, relaxing some. _Help is on the way._

With that assurance, I let my body go lax and gave into unconsciousness. 

 

When I cracked my eyes open groggily who knows how many hours later, the ship and the open field were gone. Instead, a bright white light blinded me, and as it faded I could make out the blank white of ceiling tiles. There was a sterile smell in the air, something almost medical.

I blinked my eyes some and shifted my gaze to the right a little, seeing a row of machines softly beeping as they tracked my vitals. I was definitely in a hospital. That could only mean that Kael had made it safely and managed to get me help. I smiled a little and looked more to the right. Then I saw him, looking at me worriedly. His eyes lit up with a hopeful look and he smiled when I looked at him, though.

"Hey, Commander," Kael said, moving closer. I groaned softly in reply and he smiled a little more.

"You feel any better?" he asked. I nodded quietly, watching as his gaze flickered to someone else on the other side of me. Curious to know who it was, I shifted my head to the left a little where I caught sight of Vis now watching me with a concerned, but relieved smile resting on his face. 

I smiled more and felt him take my hand, squeezing it gently. 

"Hey," he said softly. I felt him brush gently over my cheek, then brush back a strand of my hair and I relaxed at his touch. 

"H-Hey..." I answered hoarsely, my lips feeling dry. 

"I missed you," he said. "And you worried me."

I nodded slightly. "I-I'm sorry..."

Again he reached up and touched my cheek, this time resting his hand against my face. I tilted my head slightly into his touch, not wanting him to draw his hand away. 

"It's alright, you're here now, and you're safe," he said. 

I nodded quietly closed my eyes again. "I-I love you..." I whispered, not caring who heard it and not caring that I'd said it. It was true.

I felt Vis lean over and kiss my forehead, his hand brushing back my hair.

"I love you too."


	16. Fifteen

I remember spending a few days in recovery before the medics would let me get up and walk around the hospital. I wasn't fully allowed to leave yet as I was still in bad shape. I was quite aware of it too as I limped on my right leg some still. The medics said it would eventually go away, but I wasn't sure I believed them. Either way, I was grateful to be alive. Kael and Vis already knew about Mako, but no one really brought it up as the event was still fresh in my mind and still provoked too much pain to remember. I did, however, make a mental note to myself to visit his wife whenever I could and explain to her. She at least deserved that much.

 

It was late at night when I decided to go out again. Kael and Vis were deliberating in the waiting room and I decided it would be best to see what they were talking about.

Stepping into the room I quietly limped over to where Vis was sitting. Kael sat across from him but the rest of the room was devoid of visitors. After all, it wasn't an imperial funded medical station, just a little medstation out by the farming communities. It was obvious too, considering the fact that some of the medics I had talked to said the worst injuries they had dealt with were those concerning farm equipment.

"Hey," I said quietly, smiling quietly as I sat down beside Vis. He looked up and gave me a tired smile. It made him look so much older than he was.

"Hey," he said. "We were just discussing plans to get off this rock as soon as you're released."

I nodded and sat back a little, ignoring the sore twinge in my injured side. "What's the plan?" I asked, actually feeling relieved that for once I didn't carry the burden of getting everyone out safely.

"Well, we've just heard back from Senator Organna and he's agreed to aid us as long as we keep his name out of any dealings. He's set up false ID's for us to use while we're on the planet. They should get us through any imperial checkpoints as well," he added.

I frowned a little and nodded but felt compelled to say something. "Wouldn't we be recognized at Imperial checkpoints? I know the ID's may say we're someone else but we're are kinda known throughout the galaxy as traitors and fugitives," I said.

Vis nodded. "Don't worry, you taught me well. I've already got a plan for that. We won't be going through any Imperial checkpoints because we won't be taking off through Alderaan's main spaceport. I've already arranged for a farm transport to pick us up and transport us out of Alderaan space, then we will board a cruiser that will take us to Droxu where we will regroup with the survivors of the Nar Shadda massacre," he said. "The ID's are simply a backup," he added.

I nodded and exhaled softly with relief. "I guess I taught you better than I remember," I teased him quietly.

This time he grinned, the age disappearing from his face as I recognized the young man I'd fallen in love with who knew how many years ago.

I sat and listened to them continue to work out the details of the plan for a few minutes before rising slowly to my feet, looking to Vis.

"Hey, I'm gonna go get a little fresh air. I won't go far, don't worry," I said and stole a quick kiss on his cheek.

He looked up and nodded. "Sounds good, just keep an eye out."

I nodded and limped quietly out of the waiting room. I headed down the hall to a side door and pushed it open, stepping out into the chilly air. Instinctively, I put my arms around myself despite the fact I was still wearing the long-sleeved shirt and long cotton pants the hospital had given me. A bodysuit was apparently looked down upon as a wardrobe choice, and I had no desire to don my old Imperial uniform or fatigues.

I looked around some, glancing up at the sky. We were far enough out from the city that there were no lights to mask the stars, but I still wondered how many of those stars were hidden by Imperial Cruisers waiting in orbit. Alderaan was loyal to the Empire, supposedly, and a peaceful planet filled with peaceful people. I wondered if they knew the violence they condoned in siding with the Empire, or if they simply turned a blind eye for the sake of their own safety and peace.

If that was true, I didn't know how they did it.

I walked out onto the grass some and looked across the fields dotted with farms and houses. There were hardly any lights on, almost everyone was asleep I assumed. I sighed softly.

"There is no true bliss except that of ignorance," a woman's voice suddenly came from beside me.

I jumped a little and jerked my head towards the sound. I hadn't seen anyone when I walked outside, but there was a woman standing not far from me. She was dressed like one of the medic's, but her hair was loose and she had something akin to a bandage covering her eyes. It was too dark to make out very specific features from this distance, however.

"Excuse me?" I asked politely, watching the woman. She turned her head towards me as if she could somehow see me through the bandage. I assumed she was following the sound of my voice.

"I said there's no true bliss except in ignorance," she said.

I frowned. The phrase sounded familiar, but it was lacking something. After a minute it clicked, she had spoken only half of the quote by an old phycologist from the Clone War's era.

"That's only half the quote, though," I pointed out. I thought I saw the woman smile and she nodded.

"It is, but it's the only half applicable right now."

I shrugged. Her reasoning wasn't wrong.

"Do I know you? Or do you simply like surprising people with philosophical quotes?" I asked, looking back out across the countryside. Out of the corner of my eye, though, I saw the woman begin to move and I looked back towards her.

She walked straight towards me without answering and I put my hands out as she neared me, fearing she would run into me since she couldn't seem to see me.

She stopped short of my hands, however, only about a foot between me and her and she inclined her head slightly as she was a few inches shorter than me. She seemed to stare through the bandages straight into my eyes and it wasn't until then that I saw the familiar features in her stature and face. I froze momentarily before I managed to stutter a question.

"G-General?"

I blinked a little, thinking that my eyes were tricking me in the darkness. After all, I could only see half of this woman's face, maybe she was simply one of those twins that everyone in the universe seems to have.

 _It can't be her anyway...she's dead...I...I killed her,_ I reminded myself, but my head was spinning with confusion.

"Hotshot, please call me Sprika. We're not on a battlefield anymore," the woman answered.

I hesitated before nodding quickly. Then I realized she couldn't see me and I spoke up. "Y-Yes...O-Okay. How, though? I mean...I--"

She cut me off just as calm as ever, while I struggled to find the right questions to ask.

"I know you thought you killed me, but you didn't. Injured me, yes, but I recovered. Before you say it, though, don't worry about it. I forgave you all a long time ago. You were being manipulated and controlled, you couldn't have broken that sort of control even if you had wanted to."

I blinked and swallowed hard, but nodded again. This all seemed so surreal. I'd thought I'd killed one of my closest friends, yet she was here standing in front of me. She was alive and well, and she'd forgiven me. For a moment I had no words, not sure how to respond to the situation.

Finally, I managed a thin stutter. "T-Thank you...I-I'm so sorry..."

Sprika reached up and touched my shoulder, a small smile touching her lips. "Don't apologize, it's not your fault."

I nodded a little, but there was something like a weight, a burden that seemed to have vanished. She didn't hate me. She didn't want to kill me. She'd forgiven me.

Out of impulse, I hugged her, smiling some. I didn't know how I could ever make any of this up to her, since trying to kill someone if a bit of a hefty problem, but at least I could rest in the knowledge that I hadn't succeeded and I wasn't hated.

I pulled back after a minute and looked down at her, touching my injured side lightly as the sore throbbing returned. "Do you live here? Or do you work with Vis?" I asked.

Sprika shook her head and answered. "I work and live here for now. I've revoked any ties to the Jedi to keep myself safe. I don't work with Vis, nor have I heard from him."

I nodded. "He's inside if you wanted to talk," I offered.

She pursed her lips in thought, then shook her head. "No, for your safety and mine, it's best that we keep apart."

I nodded in understanding. "I should probably head back inside then. I won't mention this, but, thank you," I said.

Sprika smiled and nodded. "Of course. It was nice to see you again, Commander."

I smiled a little and turned, walking back inside. I was still a little baffled by the whole thing and for a moment it felt like I had dreamed it all, but I reminded myself that it was true. She really was alive.

_I guess I didn't kill a Jedi after all._


	17. Epilogue

One Week Later

Standing outside, the morning sun barely cresting the horizon to the east of the Rebel Base I'd just been stationed at, I looked up at the fading black of the sky, fingering a set of identi tabs between my fingers as I remembered the names.

"Rigger...Slicer...CT-441/9...CT-660/4...Mako..."

The list went on, hundreds of more names of hundreds of thousands of more soldiers lost in the countless battles that had made up my life. But those men had been my men, and my brothers. It was my job to honor them by remembering them. For as long as their names remained in my memory, so their memory would remain in my heart and so their honor would remain known to the world. The names of the dead would not be lost to history. They would be remembered for their sacrifice and for their service. 

Sighing softly, I looked down and closed his hand around the identi tabs, taking a moment to silently remember all of them and what they'd done. The image of Mako's face is burned into my memory more than the others, still etched with pain and an odd amount of peace. But I can still remember his smile. 

"Commander?"

I picked up my head and shoved the identi tabs back into my pocket, turning towards the sound of Vis' voice.

"You know better than to call me that when we're off-duty," I said, cracking a small smile as I walked over to him. He looped his arm around my shoulder when I got close enough and kissed my cheek.

"Fine," he laughed and held me close. I leaned against him and looked back at the sunrise, sighing softly. Vis' hand brushed through my hair gently and I tried not to close my eyes.

"You still miss them," Vis said, echoing my feelings. 

I just nodded and rested there quietly for a long minute before pulling away. I patted Vis' chest and smiled. "Don't you have somewhere to be?"

He groaned. "Yeah, don't remind me of the board meetings..." he laughed but kissed my head. "But yeah, I do have to go. Love you, and see you later," he said.

I waved a bit and watched him walk off before turning back towards the sunrise. I stuck my hand back into my pocket and closed my eyes quietly.

"CT-441/9...CT-660/4...Rigger...Slicer..." I paused and opened my eyes quietly towards the rising sun before continuing. 

"...Mako."


End file.
